tooth and nail review

TOOTH AND NAIL REVIEW
If you recall, my last attempt at reviewing "Tooth And Nail" was foiled by lack of electricity. I just gave you a few paragraphs. I rented it again and the review follows. You'll also see this at my film review site and eventually in my post-apocalypse film book. I'm cheating a little bit today. No Internet access this morning, which usually gives me a few good ideas to work on between then and lunch time. I'm drawing a blank right now. Nothing to write about. Sorry, but it's going to happen once in awhile. Usually I can throw something together, but not today. Plus, I'm a little discouraged with last week. I thought I brought my A game and it seems few agreed with me. I don't expect love and obsequiousness, but it would be nice if my point came across. Just ignore me today. My kids called me yesterday and we talked for hours, but I guess I get a little morose after years not seeing them. I'll pull my head out of my butt pretty quick.
*
TOOTH AND NAIL
Rated R, 2007
Michael Madsen

Most horror films are incidentally post-apocalypse films. This one is a post-apocalypse film that is incidentally a horror film. It bills itself as a horror film, but of course they have to. Mention post-apocalypse and most viewers go screaming in the opposite direction. Oh no, please don’t remind us that we are consuming our resources much faster than we are finding new ones. How depressing is that? Just a hint of it and I’ll have to go to a multiplex heated with carbon fuels and consume gobs of popcorn grown in infertile soil for a little bit of escapism entertainment. Like ax murdering. That’s a fun way to pass the time until the apocalypse. This film is on the lower end of the budget spectrum, so you certainly don’t see bullets flying or cars racing or multistory explosions. But that actually works in its favor. By staying insanely low budget you focus on story instead of effects and you get a better flavor of life after resource depletion. Only a couple of guns, almost no ammunition and the majority have returned to blade weapons. The only lighting is from fire or pump up florescent lanterns.
*
The introduction describes how nothing major brought the end. No nuclear war, no overpopulation. Simply, they ran out of oil in 2012. Within a year all reserves were gone. This isn’t that implausible, since populations in exporting nations have exploded and as more and more oil is used domestically less is sent to the industrial nations. And at the same time all super giant oil fields have been in production over forty years and are in decline globally. Serious decline, as in eight to ten percent a year. In the end, a huge population of users suddenly sees the threshold where oil use falls below what is needed to keep civilization running. It’s more likely we will not see that serious of consequences in just one year, but it is not impossible. And, as the movie points out, you need oil for coal production. Within three years two thirds of the global population is wiped out from hunger, cold and fighting. Too many people headed south the first winter and overwhelmed the resource base there.
*
The movie goes on after the intro introducing us to a band scaring off a guy hovering over a dead body, with a wounded girl near by. They take the girl home, which is a hospital. Here is our first hint that The Professor is, while revered by the others that follow his leadership, actually quite the idiot. A hospital fits in with his Rise Of The Phoenix plan, plenty of room to take in survivors and rebuild a civilization. He spends most of his time doodling designs of PV panels and such. He reminds me of Uncle Obammy, dreaming of a glorious solar future as our country goes down in flame ( I don’t actually think Obammy stands for anything other than Business As Usual-Full Speed Ahead On Petroleum, but his crap dream he sells to the gullible is what I refer to ). One dissenting vote says, hello!, Mr. Dickhead, let’s work on defense. Nonsense, puffs our Bearded and Bespectacled Liberal Professor, we are quite safe here. One wonders how the hell he made it through for the last three years. Dissenting voice, Viper, leaves the group. Which reminds me, Viper? And Dakota and Dodge, etc? Give me a break! Yes, in time the survivors descendants will look at cars and the names of them as wondrous and awe inspiring, but first generation survivors won’t rename themselves from the equipment that symbolized their destruction. About my only quibble with the movie.
*
Well, Juju is served up in a nice heaping dish, the Professor is one of the first to die in the hospital. He isn’t sleeping well, toss, turn, oh, my, everyone hates me because while I appear weak to have not stood up to Viper, in reality I’m afraid they will discover what a blooming idiot I am. He goes to the bathroom to splash water on his face and gets a meat cleaver across his throat. Cool! His carcass is drug off for tasty cannibal consumption. But the rest don’t know this. They are all confused and dazed. Oh, we are merely worthless and weak teeny bopper idiots, we need direction, tell use what to do! Let’s go look for the professor! Good idea! No, junior idiots in training, this is a bad idea. First, you went alone and weaponless. Then, you had an unguarded building. So, the cannibal dudes just waltz in and start ax murdering folks. This is where Michael Madsen makes an appearance. This ain’t your lucky day, he informs the wounded and crawling outside-dude-that-was-wounded. He uses a two sided ax to give our boy a few whacks. Right in the spine! That’s got to hurt. Michael doesn’t do too many scenes after that. One doesn’t know if their big budget for name brand actors had just been exhausted or if everyone was just sort of embarrassed that ‘ol Mike has gotten a bit bloated and fat. Been hitting the sauce, there? Not that I would say it to his face, that guy still is imposing and a bit spooky.
*
Well, it goes on for awhile, one being killed after another. The new girl tells them about this band of cannibals. She and now dead boyfriend were fleeing from them. They kill one a night to keep the meat fresh. New plan, let’s all bug out tonight. That works as well as looking for the professor. They are hunted through the hospital. I’m not going to reveal a few key plot twists, which are pretty cool. It doesn’t spoil the movie, as I enjoyed it just as much the second time. But I’m feeling nice. I will tell you the main chick and the little girl survive in the end.
*Genre Rating- damn good. One of the better ones, in fact.
*Nudity Rating-damn poor. No nudity at all.
*Overall Rating-highly recommended as a realistic look at our future. You could easily imagine a prison gang turning cannibal and being as sadistic and bad ass as these guys.
END