mr. moms

MR. MOMS
Before we start today, let's pause for a fun fact. In 1989 the worlds population was 5.2 billion. Today it is 6.5 billion. The worlds population has increased by one and a third billion ( and it seems that they are all in front of you on the road on your morning commute ). But world wheat production has remained flat for twenty years. We are feeding our new mouths from stockpiled reserves, which are steadily shrinking each year ( not too surprisingly ). Yes, I understand a lot of that new population eats rice. But those sectors using wheat as the staff of life have grown just as much. Plus, you need to subtract the thirty percent of the corn turned into ethanol from our available feedstock. Once the reserves are gone, how do we eat? But, please, by all means, keep procrastinating buying your grain stockpile. Perhaps wait until the rice panic returns and this time includes wheat. At least you'll have a great stockpile of DVD's to entertain you as you starve.
*
Women's Libbers will be pleased to note that the corporate opportunities for females are going to increase drastically. Now is your time to shatter that glass ceiling. You go girl! Fem Power! Sure, whatever, I'm just a pig that wants to see you barefoot in the kitchen, pregnant. But if you think I'm a chauvinist, wait until you shackle yourself to the corporate world. No man is going to oppress me! Far better that a man CEO oppress you financially, right? Okay, don't get me all worked up again. The point here is that while there are still corporate jobs, a higher proportion are going to be going to females. You are all so eager to point out the pay differential. Men make more than women. Without debating the holdover of the single wage earner legacy, let's just accept the difference. It might only be ten percent, fifteen, whatever ( I'm sure one of you will scream the correct figure at me-although I don't know why you are complaining since I already insulted the seniors and everyone gets a turn ), but this is a nice big fat target that no bean counter is going to ignore.
*
Look, corporations by and large don't make money anymore like they used to. Invent a superior product, market it effectively, court consumers. How so old school! They new way to earn money is to churn out crap cheaper than your competitor ( assuming you have any real competition left domestically ). No expense is to be spared. Since almost the last factory has been shipped overseas, and since all your rival companies are owned by you through holding companies, where do you turn except lay-offs and productivity increases? The mass lay-offs will of course continue because there is no where else to cut costs. It certainly will not come from trimming the CEO bonuses. So, when you are busy laying off all those worthless workers you are going to ask yourself, is that enough? Or should I only retain workers that cost me 10% less? It is a very obvious answer. You go for the increases savings, boost your bonus by ten million and buy that third home in the Bahamas you've been eyeballing as a retreat for when the workers revolt and try to lynch you. Just don't forget to retain a consultant that will advise you which wines to stockpile in your cellar. Ten percent! Why, you are are first rate leader, saving all those shareholders that bought at p/e ratios of 400 to 1 from losing a fraction of a cent in dividend earnings.
*
In case you have been partially blind for the last thirty years, a lot of industries are boosting the number of female workers. Not only do they earn less, they have more docile natures that fit into the new cubicle reality. No testosterone to pollute the atmosphere of perpetual self delusion and happy corporate talk ( win riches through positive attitude alone!, there is no "I" in team! ). Much better team players ( telling the boss what he wants to hear, and meaning it at that moment ). I've already covered this before, genders have separate strengths and weaknesses. I'm not claiming one is better than the other, but I am saying you should embrace the differences instead of trying to act unisex. The simple matter is that women fit the service industry requirements better. And don't forget at ten percent savings.
*
So where does that leave dad? At home, watching the kids. You won't be able to afford day care ( all workers expecting this years cost of living wage increase are invited to submit their petitions to the circular file ). And dad was laid off months ago. He made more than minimum wage. And he was only doing the work of three people. Slacking whore! Now, it simply isn't enough that males have been systematically indoctrinated into more feminine behavior. Now they must tie on an apron and greet the wife coming home after a fourteen hour day with freshly baked rat meat stuffed with sawdust. After having watched the pack of kids all day, and having hand washed cloth diapers in cold water ( who can afford disposables or a new hot water heater? ). There isn't anything wrong with men helping with child rearing. The evil ex-wife and I took turns working opposite shifts watching the new-borns ( she pumped milk and froze it ). I didn't get much sleep but I treasured the experience and I bonded with the kids immediately. But to be the mother exclusively will not exactly train the children well. Your boy is gender confused, and will not make a very good warrior in a post-apocalypse future.
*
Look on this as the ultimate insult as our economy tail spins in for a crash landing ( to include oily smoke, explosions, and total fatalities ). You WILL take it like a bitch, in every way. Have fun!
END