on relationships

ON RELATIONSHIPS

Great, just what you wanted. An even deeper look at my dysfunctional mind. I share this with you for a variety of reasons. First, Friday is a work holiday. We get the 4th off and since it falls on the weekend we have the 3rd as the paid holiday. I won’t be working through lunch, just the first two hours so I can pick up end of the week food donations. I’m writing this Thursday night and felt the extra time would do justice to the subject. Which ties in with the second reason. I don’t wish to be misunderstood and hope to explain a lot of the reasons behind a lot of my rationales. I can elaborate some of my otherwise flippant, off the cuff remarks. Last, I hope this might help some in their decision making. When I say something like, dump the wife if she won’t buy into prepping, it isn’t that cut and dried of a decision. I admit that the only thing worse than being homeless is being alone and homeless. But if the relationship is already in trouble and most likely can’t be salvaged, it is as good as any a reason for ending the relationship. Perhaps by explaining some of my failures you can see the direction of your marriage and make the needed actions. Not to single out one example for any particular reason other than a selective memory, one writer was hounded by his readers for his on and off struggle to end his marriage. It wasn’t weakness or indecision but the natural reluctance to end a relationship. Who likes to be alone? Especially with hard times coming. Teams can weather the storm easier. Yet when the spouse is reluctant to get on board preparing it becomes a dilemma. I hope this article helps when you are faced with this problem. I never ended a marriage because of the prepping reluctance, but it played a role and made it easier.
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I don’t hate women. And I don’t hate marriage. I love both. Women have natural strengths men need, and visa versa. Women are very pragmatic. Which is both good and bad. When a group has problems getting along, pragmatism leads to politics on the women’s part. To smooth relations. You see a two faced lady who hates another behind her back and is all smiles and kisses to her face. It isn’t being a lying politician, it is getting along with others for group harmony. Men have difficulty with that kind of relationship. On the minus side, despite all the talk of romantic love a women will fall out of love with someone or in love with them for practical reasons ( and women rag on men for only loving them for sex, which is a bit unfair ). Pragmatism is also a survival trait. They do what they must to ensure their offspring get what they need. Men have a hard time getting past logic and idealism. I don’t dislike marriage. I think it is great which is why I tried it four times. It is absolutely vital for raising children. And for mental well being. I am totally against single parents, although I have a hard time placing blame on its practitioners in today’s cultural and political realities. Children need a couple to raise them. My problem with marriage is how it is done today.
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Everyone wants to marry for love, not necessity. They think that love will solve all problems of necessity. Yet, when those are not achievable the relationship will end. Both parties suffer, and the children suffer. If you married for necessity and let love happen later you would be pleasantly surprised later, rather than shocked and dismayed at a later date. I’m not discounting love at first, or instant attraction. I am saying that you shouldn’t follow up on it unless you meet each other needs and expectations first. The old school could be a little harsh and unromantic. She wanted/needed security, a provider. He wants sex. Sex is not all that crazy of a need. The male has enough hormones to impregnate the whole village. By satisfying that need, the wife assures the male stays with her and raises the children. And even if adultery laws seemed to unfairly benefit the male, it had a very real benefit. A man won’t as readily agree to nurture and support offspring unless he knows they are his. And because a women is pragmatic, she knows about the male sexual drive and the need to satisfy it. That is why you have great newlywed sex. Well, today premarital sex is normal, so you get plenty until you get married. So I have a hard time believing a sharp drop in sex is anything other than the female acknowledging the reality that she is rewarded with a provider without any responsibility on her part.
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I don’t think that women should be subservient to men, nor that men are entitled to as much sex as they desire. I do think that an unwillingness on the part of the female should be viewed as a disinterest in the relationship however. A man must continue to provide protection and sustenance to his partner and offspring regardless of desire. So why should a female be given free reign to deny sex according to her desire? Or to put it rudely, the man must bring home the bacon so why should the female be allowed to remain frigid? A relationship is a mutual struggle and should constitute sacrifice on both parties. If a husband is working hard to please his wife, shouldn’t the wife do the same? And, to stay in the current required romantic viewpoint, it has been my experience that once sex drops past a certain point, the love is pretty much shot. No one expects the physical attraction to stay white hot forever, but the female usually needs to expect her drive to fall faster and compensate for that.
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Now, on to my favorite subject. Hating wife #2. I know a lot of you have a hard time buying into my viewpoint that she is pure evil, a minion of Lucifer. You think it is sour grapes, that I begrudge the child support I pay. I don’t begrudge supporting my children, if there was a need. But I put the ex through flight school and she makes enough being a pilot that she has no need of my money other than an extravagant lifestyle. She bleeds me financially simply out of spite, to punish me. She didn’t want me after a point, but I must be punished because I didn’t want her. I don’t even begrudge the money as it is used as a bribe to stay in touch with my kids. I simply think it is wrong to be paying a disproportionate share of my income. If women want total equality they should be shouldering equal responsibility. No, my hatred goes beyond just money. I don’t care that much about money past a certain point of providing basic needs. That is why I value less stress for less pay. I hate her for trying to totally ruin my life. Because money means everything to her, she thinks she is doing me great harm by taking most of mine. But that wasn’t enough for her. She had to do much more.
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What I’m going to share is a bit embarrassing. I wouldn’t bring it up if it didn’t illustrate a point so well. We had tried to get back together several times. I realized I had given up on my kids too easily. That I had been so selfish I wanted out of the relationship and didn’t just give in to her and her demands to stay with my kids. I was feeling guilty. I’m not denying I played a large role in our breakup. Perhaps it was mostly my fault. But I did try again after realizing my mistake. I kept trying, not realizing there was too much water under the bridge. On our last attempt to repair and restart, we made glorious promises to each other and things were okay for about a week. They quickly went to crap of course. On one glorious night, oral sex was offered. Not something she had ever been wild about and the last attempt still brought the total count under one hands worth of fingers ( ladies, I’m not trying to be gross- I have a point here ). Well, wife always had had cold sores. Don’t kiss me right now dear, I have a cold sore. Can you guess what comes next? I get genital herpes within the week. I know it wasn’t from another partner so I can only conclude this was a deliberate assault. Not only did it give her an excuse to once again dump me, now I had a double stigma against me. I was dirt poor and had an STD. Go on about your life now, chump. Good luck finding another mate with those two strikes against you. Yes, it did short circuit a lot of dates from becoming relationships. But I was always forthcoming to a potential partner and in ten years of marriage to #4, I never passed it on to her. Like I said, a bit embarrassing, but it does point out why I hate the ex so much.
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I could go on and on about #2. I’m almost positive she cheated on me, for instance. But I think the above example speaks for the record. But it didn’t make me hate women or marriage. I might be a little less lenient towards shenanigans. I might be a bit quicker to end a relationship once I think the sex barometer points towards a falling out of love on her part. I might be harsher towards other peoples problems putting up with their spouse. But I still hate being alone. I still think relationships are a natural and desired state. I still think culturally our relationships are conducted wrong. I don’t think women are chattel, and should be forced into bed against their will. But I do think a healthy relationship means you make your man happy, even if your desires aren’t always in sync. Just as Unions once helped exploited workers but then overreached with too much power, I think Women’s Lib was once necessary but now does more harm to families than it helps women. I might be old fashioned in some ways, but it serves a good purpose. It strengthens marriage and families. And pointing out that women’s lib is dead after a collapse just means we go back to a more pragmatic way for raising families and keeping marriages strong enough to provide the time honored support structure prior to the government welfare state. Lifetime marriages, three generational families under one roof, etc. You would think females would approve, once the PC blinders of FemiNazism are removed.
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