movie review

MOVIE REVIEW
I'm off work today for a three day visit to my dad. He isn't sick in the hospital or anything ( although we just a had a good scare there last week ), but I feel like I need to keep in contact in case his heart condition suddenly does him in. Most likely, I'll get run over or have a heart attack biking to work before he dies. But I don't want any regrets when he does pass away ( I don't want to say, "I should have spent more time with him" ). So I'm spending way too much money going down to see him. Today you get a pre-posted movie review, since it was something I had ready to go. I'm getting closer to finishing that book on post-apocalypse movies. Be patient.
*
28 DAYS LATER
Rated R, 2002
Various cheap English actors

This one is yet another zombie film, but done quit well and one of the best. First off, there is a group of Greenpeace Birkenstock wearing Volvo driving Dead Head listening tree hugging animal rights activists that break into a chimp testing lab. Now, considering how pretty nasty their infection turned out, you would think that perhaps the place would have been a little better guarded. But, leave it to the British, they are so busy installing a surveillance camera on every corner in every town all over the nation they most likely simply didn’t have the manpower. So, a squeaky little lab guy sees them breaking in and says, wait, wait, danger Will Robinson, danger. They are infectious, oh my. Now, being super green weenie types they should have immediately felt a kindred spirit with the nerd, visions of school with bully athletes dancing in their head. But instead, they ignore sensible cautions against playing around IN LABS with infections stuff. I mean, if it was me I wouldn’t go near the place. Sorry chimps, you’re just going to have to die for the cause. I don’t even trust the germs at a hospital, so there is no way I’m going in a research lab. Look where AIDS and the Mexican Flu came from, you know. Anyway, if the film took that step it would have just been another two fags falling in love kind of story which England has enough of, thank you. Although, they did pay phallic homage, which I’ll get to later.

The dumb ass tree hugger chick opens the chimp door and then just looks all surprised when Bonzo jumps on her face and starts to chew on it. Boom! First infection. This stuff is super fast. One second you’re getting your flesh dined on cannibal style and in less than a minute you are a zombie. Actually, you only need to get blood past your skin to get infected. Just like AIDS, but better since you get to become a zombie. Yes, zombies suck compared to vampires. Vampires are all regal and cool and get to be bad ass. Zombies are just gross and decaying. But at least it is some kind of second lease on life. Just with leprosy, kind of. Okay, 28 days later we visit a hospital were a brain damaged coma patient wakes up. He is naked in bed with an empty IV in him so you know its been awhile since he’s eaten. Not that you can usually tell with the Brits as they are generally thin and pasty anyway. And get this. Full frontal nudity. His dingaling is just hanging away. Gross. We don’t get to see any boobs most of the movie, and then it is only zombie boob which is not very sexy and even if it was they showed it jerky framed and not in great focus. I really felt cheated. And later, we have to see this same guys butt in a shower scene. Do English like boobs, or not?

The room is locked, but a thoughtful doctor or nurse slid the key into the room before they turned zombie. See, the coma dude can survive a little longer since there is no way for anyone to get in ( presumably the door window is shatterproof ). Coma dude, name of Jim, is a bit confused, wanders around. Thinks it might be an acid flashback or something. He walks into a church ( after a bunch of wide shots of a deserted city ) and calls out, hello! Oops, movement below. The priest is now a bloodsucker, which isn’t much of a career change. He starts running towards Jim, acting all bugged eye and crazy. Jim hit’s the priest to stun him, feeling bad the whole time because he’s been raised a good little protestant. Then he hauls ass, the first sensible thing he’s done since he woke up and scared us with his junk. Others zombies starts chasing him. Luckily for Jim, two dudes pop out and start Molotov cocktailing the zombie which is way cool since they keep running until they melt down into a pool of zombie juice. Run away, run away. Holed up in a convenience store, blah, blah. My name is Jim, my name is big macho dude, my name in Selena, I’m actually a hot chick as you can tell after I take off my mask.

I must see my Mum, no it’s not safe. I must. OK, we’ll all go. Mum and Da are toast, but they took sleeping pills and wine before they got eaten so it’s all cool. But, dumbass Jim goes downstairs in the middle of the night and watches home movies because he’s all sad and misses Mum. Zombies see light, attack, big fight, big macho dude gets bit, Selena starts hacking him to pieces since you only have ten to twenty seconds before they turn. Now, I wonder where she got her machete, it kicks ass. Plowing right through bone. Mine won’t even cut the bushes. They haul butt until they see lights blinking in an upstairs apartment building. Get up right ahead of yet more zombies, these guys are all freeken over the place. Welcome, blah, blah. We’re out of water, no rain, must leave for army checkpoint that is broadcasting a safe haven. Off they go, zombies following, looting upscale markets for food, a wonderful road trip adventure. Until they get to the checkpoint.

Long story short, the army leader dude is holed up in a nearby mansion with high walls and barbed wire and he wants women for his soldier boys so they can rebuild the British race. One assumes they ask the ladies to please keep their bras on so as not to be offended by boobs. But, no one gets that chance. Jim escapes, comes back to rescue ladies ( Selena plus the daughter from the apartment building ), turned zombies on the soldiers. One assumes he was turned into the hero to please the pillow biters that must love this film. Anyway, they escape and after another 28 days Jim recovers from a gunshot wound he got while escaping and they try to contact a passing jet. So, as the movie closes you know there is civilization elsewhere.
*Genre Rating- a damn good end of the world story. OK, again, it’s just on the island. But it is a pretty darn good show. I even forgive the hint of a government rescue in the end because it could be realistic. Plus, by portraying the existing military as evil overlords instead of protectors they made things very realistic.
*Nudity Rating-very disappointing. Too much male nudity and only a brief glimpse of any female parts. But those were zombie parts and thus hardly count.
*Overall Rating- damn good. Two thumbs up. Cool. It’s such a good movie I can forgive the homoerotic nonsense. I’ve seen it at least four times. And I’m usually a new release kind of movie watcher.