I understand that this might not be the best timing, as I just did an article on improvised toilets. You all might start thinking that I have an ass fetish. I know you already think I am an ass. However, I was in the Wally World this last weekend and this just popped out at me. It screamed at me. It frantically waved its little arms so I would come over. As I bent down it talked to me, “clandestine crapper”. It also started mumbling about how much it loved me and how, even a day before it was time for a haircut,
my hair looked pretty sexy. Of course by then I was blushing and a little embarrassed from all the attention so I had to walk away. I was over in automotive section, and of course once again, par for the new and unimproved course, they didn’t have what I wanted. A half dozen glass fuses
, all different sizes, for $2.19. The auto parts store had a dozen of the same size for $2.99. But since I found the clandestine crapper it wasn’t a waste of time.*
In the oil aisle they had asmall plastic oil drain pan
with screw on lid and a drain on the side. Yes, it is a bit gross thinking about squatting over a plastic drain pan to do your business. But the thing is only like six inches tall ( about a foot in diameter ). Half fill it with water, put in a little of that green camping toilet disinfectant and deodorizer, and you have yourself a compact, clandestine, cheap chemical toilet. It is only $4! If you are living in your car, it won’t take up space like a five gallon bucket would. And it is a lot more stable and won’t tip over. I don’t know if you should tilt it over on its side. You would want to experiment with water in it first. But it is small enough that you could bring it into a retail bathroom and dump it without being noticed. That might actually be taking it too far, hiding it in a big purse or under your shirt. But you could use the park restrooms ( to flush it, so you didn’t have to touch their nasty toilets ). Or even an Old School gas station with the outside access bathroom doors. If someone catches you, it is a lot easier to get away with a small, one or two use toilet, than a giant five gallon bucket. With the one, it is a small amount to dump. With the other, they might think it will spill over on to the floor.*
Of course, have more than one or two of these things, in case you were eating out of a dumpster and get diarrhea. Good Christ On A Pogo Stick! I am just full of great ideas. Yes, to know me is to love me.
END
I’m getting close to five hundred word article days this week. Obviously, my self imposed shorter article idea won’t last too much longer. It isn’t even needing to write less to reduce stress. It was more the stress of coming up with new ideas. The longer articles are harder to get ideas for.
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35 comments:
That looks like a bitch to rinse out.
I vote for meal-timing so that you can make most of your deposits at work.
Or, would it be more bison-like to keep some doubled up plastic shopping bags on hand? Imagine trying to smuggle those filled sacks into Wal-Fart.
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Yes,somewhere for the hairy backed male to store their old feces.
Seriously though, if you are living mobile in a van or something you could stay reasonably close to a public bathroom, and if you are living on junk land there is no shortage of self dug holes to crap in or buckets to us ethat don't cost $18.00.
13 gigs of free appropriate technology and third world living info. Get it and print it while you can. JD, you might even find some good content to talk about in here .Lord knows you need it it seems you have been grasping desperately for something lately.
http://www.cd3wd.com/CD3WD/
You
are
talking
a
lot
of
shit
here.
you are in Africa.poop anywhere no body cares.the animals poop all over the place and so can you.
I don't understand why some folks think that you are in Africa. Maybe someone can explain.
Boy; when the man says we can talk all the crap we want about him....
c5
he lives in Tanzania.his rv is parked at mt.kilimanjaro.riding a bike to work is a bitch,he has to dodge the lions every day.he has six wives and twenty-seven kids.that's why he's broke.send money.
take five or six wonder bread bags and cut of the ends,tape the ends together,tape one end to your butt,let other end hang out your pant leg.
instant poop chute.you are welcome.
How wuld you re-purpose a McMansion? Maybe use outer rooms as cold storage, or put a coal bin in where the old front foyer was? Theres got to be a use for them, nobody will have the money to tear them down
How wuld you re-purpose a McMansion?
how wuld he know about McMansions?
HE LIVES IN AFRICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ask how he dry zebra crap for fuel,he an expert on that!
Mr. Dakin,
Personally, it does not seem to me that you live in Tanzania. The richly detailed accounts about Elko, your water provisioning, and your commute to work speak against it.
If you were to relocate, it might be difficult to find a place where good hair is appreciated as much as it is here in the US of A. Not sure that is the case in Tanzania.
Finally, think of the disappointment of the minions who finally come to understand that Elko is God's country, move there in their pickup trucks, and find you gone.
Therefore, I think all of us are better off if you stay here.
As the trolls were harrassing me to post pictures, the rumor evolved that I actually lived in Africa. Once I posted pictures of the Bison Compound, they claimed they were fake. However, one troll promised to pay for the camera and developing if I posted the pictures. WHERE IS MY $20?!?!
And another thing. I share these brilliant ideas as they occur to me. Sure, sometimes it is not applicable to you. But I'll wager, somewhere, sometime, someone will be glad I pointed out a $4 crapper. If you've ever had to suck back a turd, you know what I'm talking about. WHERE'S MY $20!?! I do like the Wonder Bread Turd Tube idea. SOME FOOL BETTER PAY-PAL MY $20!!!
I'm a fat slob.I am 5'10" tall. I weigh 285 lbs.That plastic drain pan wouldn't work for me.I need a steel bucket or wash tub for my fat ass.
Randall
I wouldn't live in Elko even if I were an elk. The place sounds like a shithole. That Bison can survive there so far is a testament to his abilities.
I hope he gets some sense and moves out here to NorCal soon though. Cali right now is nicer than anywhere else I've been in the US. Without 90% of its population on the other side of the Dieoff, it's gonna be super nice.
look at pictures of bison compound.
you will see reflection of mt.kilimanjaro in rv window.
what is james eating? look at plate on table.it's african pizza.
look at solar panel pic.there are zebra tracks on the ground.
look hard and you will see thompson gazelles behind the rv,a lion is chasing them.
elko?yeah,right.i love you,jus don't play head games.
I just had a peek at the bison compound pictures.
http://www.ehow.com/how_687_clean-curtains.html
http://www.mrscleanusa.com/tips/cleaning-curtains.html
http://housekeeping.about.com/od/surfacefabric/ht/curtains.htm
http://www.ayushveda.com/womens-magazine/how-to-clean-curtains/
http://lifestyle.iloveindia.com/lounge/how-to-clean-curtain-5239.html
See, dammit, Jim... you set it to instant assholes, didn't you? See what you've done? Granted, some of them are pretty funny, but what the hell is up with all the cleaning links? That's bad form, that's what that is. Anyway, I have a question for you. How in the hell do you keep asshats from stealing all your stuff? I'm looking at your pics(could be Tanzania, for all I know), and I see a bunch of stuff that could be lifted by the neighborhood meth-heads. Do you just have a serious reputation in Elko that would preclude such a foolish act? Or is it that there aren't that many folks in the county so it takes the token meth-head quite some time to find your place? What's up with that?
The comment board just got a little more funny. I must tell you of some Truck Driver Wisdom though. This might sound kind of gross (real-world, practical, something-that-actually-works kind of info). As every Truck Driver knows, it is imperative to have a "GO BOTTLE", not to be confused with the "Go Bag", or "Get Out Of Dodge Bag". I'm talkin' bout being stuck on the Dan Ryan during Chicago rush-hour kind of having "to go" kind of wisdom. If you leave an inch or two in the bottom of your latest windshield washer fluid bottle, you will find that you have a day or three and a "go" or three before any kind of odor develops. I don't know the chemistry of urine mixed with washer fluid, but I do know that it works. Just tryin' to help.
I had been predicting for the shit to hit the multi-use, drainable, oil pan and for oil shortages to start causing big trouble (as in when you go to fill up you tank only half the stations have gas and it's $6 a gallon) in 2012, but Goldman Sachs is saying it's going to be 2011.
G&S is making its claim do to an economic recovery taking place. But, I gotta tell ya, the more I look at things, the more I think that this is it. There will be no "recovery." Rather there will be a reorganization around a smaller economy. Instead of the price of oil going through the roof and dry gas pumps we'll see the price stay lower (it's still going to go up), nobody buying much of it, and gas stations folding up shop.
Did you know there are 4 million fewer cars on the road at the beginning of 2010 than there were at the beginning of 2009? 70 some % of cars are bought on credit and there 'aint much of that around any more.
Anyway, here's a link to the G&S article:
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601072&sid=axnm2BeGMveI
Jim,
those aren't the kind of fuses that I need. I'll look up what I need tonight and let you know so, I can get them through you and Amazon and send a few nickels your way.
Dear Jim,
please don't cash the second check from Germany for a couple of months, if possible. "Mr. Patriotic American Citizen" (me) is reducing his exposure to the dollar and I took too much out of the account. The check will bounce.
What a funny ol' coot Olsubotai is! He can actually be Quite The Gracious Gentleman, if he puts his mind to it!
Olsubotai, I apologize. I looked at your profile: you smoke, you like classical music and you wrote that you compared Jim to Thoreau - that makes you "sympatisch". I've never read any Thoreau but Americans speak his name with such reverence. I would compare Jim more to Orwell - on the side of the Little Guy but, more importantly, a man who spoke unpleasant truths, even when these opinions ruffled the feathers of those who thought he was "in their camp".
Please keep posting - you liven up the discussion. Just try to cut we Loyal Minions a bit more slack - I also worship at the altar of the Lee Enfield and we're just a clannish lot.
Do you ever shut up ?
Michael-just enter Amazon through my link, then go to your item you want. As long as you don't exit from Amazon I should get credit for any item you buy.
Klaus-thanks for the heads up, I won't cash it. It is the thought that counts and sufficient Loyal Minion Double Brownie Point Medallians have been credited to you. You've donated enough for the year, thanks.
Well Jim looks like your comments section has went to hell. I can't understand why you would want all these trolls and teen age boys posting anything and everything here. What are you thinking?
That is one reason you are not making any money from this blog or your writing because you look like an amateur. You blog looks like it has been put together by a 12 year old.
Mr. A,
I read your two comments before you deleted them. It you leave us, more's the pity. Stay and become our "moral compass"! If we praise Jim too much, he'll just get a big head.
Don't forget the way that homeless women pee in public places. A box of kleenex with plastic cut off with some of contents removed before using. Clamp between thighs and release. Dispose of when done of course.
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