open up a can

OPEN UP A CAN


There seems to be a gulf between my perceived wit and wonderfulness and that of my loyal minions. I give you the classic “less effect on culture than a fart in a sewer pond” and there is nothing. No applause, no standing ovation, no ticker tape parade. I thought I was being pretty darn cleaver. Then, I throw out “if voting could change anything it would be illegal”. And the crowd goes wild. This isn’t even my own creation, but something I picked up reading libertarian literature twenty years ago. I didn’t attribute it as I didn’t have any idea who said it. But I might have left the impression I made it up, which was not my intention. Not my creation, this is your legal notice.

*

As if all my readers plotting against me wasn’t bad enough, my coworkers are also in on the act. I usually come to work all gushing about some wonderful invention or discovery of mine and the cook gives me her polite version of “been there, done that”. She grew up off grid on cattle ranches and there is little new to her for living without electricity. She did give me a great idea, which you may or may not be aware of. For those of you already familiar with the idea, please excuse your pilot, Captain Obvious, as he plots a course into the near future, “YouSorryAssAin’tGotNoJuiceLand”. I’m talking about eggs here, folks. Keeping eggs without a refrigerator. When I was growing up we ate all the eggs before they even got cold. Or, if we saved them, they went into the fridge. I remember the pleasure of taking six raw eggs and blending them into orange juice for the best breakfast ever. It almost made up for having to clean up after the foul fowl. And of course, nowadays, everybody is so paranoid about being sued that they go overboard on the safety issues. So I never thought that eggs would keep just fine for a week out of the fridge. Just put them in a jar of plain water. If they turn bad they start to float. I’ve been eating eggs now for almost two weeks and it makes a huge difference. I have a lot more energy with the extra, cheap protein. My cholesterol laden arteries might crap out a little sooner, but I’m not too worried about it. Surely my body burns off all extra fat sources as I’m huddled in my trailer through the six month long winter.

*

Which brings up today’s article, living without a fridge. Already familiar territory, but as soon as I have a little extra to add to an old subject you get to hear about it all over again. We’ve already covered butter ( a glass jar filled with butter, then turned upside down in a larger jar full of water keeps butter for at least a week ), condiments ( good for several weeks out of the fridge, but don’t buy the economy sized because they do soon start to mold ) and canned meat ( Spam sucks ). Today I’m just sharing my menu ideas to give you an idea of the possibilities for dinner. If you move off grid, or if you become homeless, or if the rolling brownouts become the norm again, it might be nice to have this information before you need it. If you home can your own meat than this will have little interest to you. Everyone else, proceed with caution.

*

You could live quite well if your protein source was butter, eggs and cheese ( to keep cheese, lightly sprinkle vinegar on cheesecloth [available at the grocery or fabric store] and wrap the hard cheese in it for longer life outside the fridge ). If you want more conventional meat dishes, yet are trying to eat cheap and avoid the worst chemically preserved items, here are a few suggestions. If you have a Family Dollar near you, they sell a can of beef in gravy for two dollars. Wal-Mart’s version is closer to $4. Also at Family Dollar is a can of cream of chicken soup for fifty cents. Wal-Mart sells a can of white gravy with breakfast sausage in it for $1.59. Or a can of jalapeno nacho cheese for $2. Or chili for about a buck ( it varies week to week from 75 cents to $1.30 for the same brand ). All of these taste simply heavenly poured over cubed fried potatoes ( if you are a meat and taters kind of diner- don’t dilute the soup with anything ). Rice comes in second place in the taste test. My diet is whole wheat microwave bread for breakfast and lunch, then one of the above for dinner, five days a week. Meat with beans or rice or potatoes two or three times a week. I eat a couple of eggs to get me from after work to dinner. The reason I started experimenting with the canned protein was my fear that raw meat might keep going up in price. As if $4 a pound for beef for the crap cuts isn’t bad enough. Again, this is a diet without a refrigerator. I can’t buy the larger portions to save money.

*

Spending a buck or two for a meat laced sauce is an even more expensive way to buy meat. But it is already prepared, it is in a can for long life, and relative to raw meat prices it saves you 50-75% per serving. Not per pound, but what you pay to have some meat with dinner. You know how I feel about you bunny food eaters. You are sick and wrong. I understand that evolution covers all the bases by programming people differently to expand the potential survival pool regardless of catastrophe. So it isn’t really your fault. But I do maintain that being an omnivore is more natural than being a herbivore. Here is just a few observations to keep you in animal flesh for a little bit longer ( and please, try not to crow about your prowess as Great White Hunter- this article assumes you continuing to be a wage slave shopping at the market for a little longer ).
END
The Official Bison Web Site http://www.bisonpress.com/
*
Please support Bison by buying through the Amazon links in each article. You can purchase anything, not just the linked item. Enter Amazon through my item link and then go to whatever other item you desire. As long as you don’t leave Amazon until after the order is placed, I get credit for your purchase. Thank you.