waiting too long

WAITING TOO LONG


Being as white as Casper ( Best of Casper, Vol. 1 ), I sometimes have a hard time seeing things from a black point of view. Let me get this straight. Some black crack head gets the snot beat out of him by the police, they get a gentle tap on the wrist, and the ghettos in California erupt in deadly looting. But when a transit cop gets a light sentence for killing a black, there is only a token crowd breaking a few windows and such. I guess I just don’t understand these things. Are you forgotten if you are killed and made a martyr if you survive? Isn’t that ass backwards from what it should be. Hell, look at King. Make a memorable dream speech, get assassinated by the CIA ( The Official CIA Manual of Trickery and Deception ) and before you know it every other new street in America is named after you ( and it can’t just be MLK Ave., they have to spell the whole thing out so the street sign has really small letters crowded on to it and you can’t read the thing unless you slow way down and then the bangers behind you get pissed off and shoot at you so our city planners are trying to get people killed in the name of a non-violent protester- way to go, geniuses ).

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I’m sure I hacked off a few readers yesterday, and I would like to continue that trend. Bad minion! Bad! Stockpile now! The last article harped on prices going up in the near future, and now it is time to dwell way too long on another obvious point. In the very near future, it won’t matter what the price is because you won’t be able to pay it. As well as I play the Captain Obvious ( Captain Obvious Dark T-Shirt ) role, you must admit that the cape is regal and the outside-the-pants underwear do make my package look bigger. In years of lore, fashion would normally follow function. Such as a hat keeping you warm and the sun from baking your egg. What we have now are fat and bald guys wearing useless baseball caps which do neither ( well, it is marginal at blocking the sun, but at the expense of skin cancer on your ears and back of the neck- for Chris’s sake, wear a hat with all around brim ). But capes will make a comeback soon, as it is a hands free coat that retracts in the day if needed. And frees the arms for sword ( Secret Agent Black Fantasy Full Tang Sword ) use. So I’m way ahead of the curve there. As for making my package look bigger, I need all the help I can get, and I refuse to go the codpiece ( Costume by Era: Medieval Costume, Surcoat, Codpiece, 1400-1500 in Fashion, English Medieval Fashion, 1300-1400 in Fashion, Chaperon ) route.

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Let’s say that you actually took my free advice. You told the wife to shut the hell up and spent a few bucks to keep her useless fat ass alive come the apocalypse. This will serve several purposes. One, she thinks you care and thus won’t stab or Bobbbit you in exchange for the company of the pool boy ( both of them eating the food you stockpiled ). Two, you can trade cheap grain in exchange for meat on the hoof ( encourage your spouse to gain weight- “You know that turns me on, babe, more of you to love”- that will be some nicely marbled BBQ some day ). Or, you tell the blood relatives that you are moving and they can get someone else to wipe grandmas ass ( which right there explains why Social Security is pretty much universally encouraged ) and move out to some junk land ( Country Property Dirt Cheap: How I Found My Piece of Inexpensive Rural Land...Plus My Adventures with a $300 Junk Antique Tractor ). This is a one time expense that pays dividends the rest of your life. Kind of like a college education used to do. What harm has been done, even if nothing happens? You own a non-perishable ( unless you leave the guns out in the rain and let the mice get to the grain ) insurance policy that is still reasonably affordable ( if you had done this ten years ago it would have been absurdly cheap ). Now what happens if you wait too long? Simply, you will die a horrible and elongated death. No, I am not being a drama queen. Look at three very recent developments. Suddenly, almost overnight, credit started to contract. No more jobs were available and resale values crashed.

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It was no longer easy as pie to whip out a credit card and get two thousand bucks and buy everything you needed to live rent free ( A Free Soil - A Free People: The Anti-Rent War in Delaware County, New York ) and survive for a year or two without food. Hell, I used to have marginal credit and I got an American Express card while only making twice minimum wage. Those days are over. As easy as getting a second mortgage or as expensive as getting a personal credit card cash advance, it is no longer an option. The other way you used to be able to finance your survival stash was to get a second job for a month or three. Those are gone also, pretty much. Heck, it is hard enough for two people in the house to work, let alone their being enough jobs out there for three incomes. So then we are left with the third usual way of squeezing a bit of extra cash, selling your worthless boy toys, electronics or other overpriced crap. But even that is harder to do anymore. There is a glut of people selling it all and although every seller deludes himself into thinking he can charge near retail prices, all the buyers can comfortably hold out for decreases since it is a buyers market.

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Which pretty much just leaves cutting back on expenses. And that window is only open a short time. Soon, no matter what you do, the high cost of living will collide with the shrinking incomes and you will be homeless. Oh, too bad you didn’t buy that junk land when you could have! But my point is not to be a smart ass ( okay, it is ), but to highlight that your options are shrinking. Soon, very soon as the economy shows no sign of improving, you will not be able to prepare. No more credit, no more disposable income, no more desired goods to sell and no more expenses to cut. Do it now, because procrastination will lead to the stewpot.
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