coffee wompum

COFFEE WOMPUM


I’ve always loved the Druid Dude. He might be all hating on Doomers, but I can’t find fault in that. I hate Yuppie Scum with every fiber of my being, every beat of my heart powering my negative emotions, every second I still live a sign from the gods that my cause is just and my vision true. Okay, I hate the ex-wife far more, but I still really dislike Yuppies. And I certainly wouldn’t stop disliking Yuppies just because it isn’t logical. So when the Druid Dude makes hurtful and snide remarks about Doomers I can’t say anything since the same passion he is displaying is the one I have. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to have a Nemesis. I hope I am one for many folks. The DD has been slowing down on system collapse and focusing on the nuts and bolts of surviving on your asparagus farm, although why he sticks with honey bees lazily floating on a gentle breeze as tree spirits sing out to you to hug them, unicorns prancing near a babbling brook where river nymphs folic instead of concentrating on miserable serfs huddled in smoke filled drafty huts awaiting the arrival of marauding bandits, which frankly is much more fun as long as you don’t become one of the aforementioned serfs, is quite beyond me. But one good thing that came of this new trend is a tidbit that got me all worked up and excited, nipples atingle and skin flushed. I thought this was a very good idea. Rather than donking about with a vacuum thermos to cook rice, just use a cork pad and a tea cozy with a regular cooking pot. As I keep explaining to you, and as you keep ignoring me about, a thermos is the newest and bestest way to brew coffee. But of course frankly it sucks monkey member when it comes to rice cooking. I have great luck cooking potatoes in it, but the transfer and clean up are messy and irritating. So, I am willing to wager that buying a tea cozy ( frankly, harder to find than it used to be since our local Anglophile Crumpets And Tea Peoples Socialist Party social club closed down ) and cork pad is a good investment. Read last weeks Arch Druid Report for more details.

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I always refused to buy Wal-Mart shoes after several disasters. They never broke in. But about four years ago I trash picked a pair of all leather, steel toe Wal-Mart boots. After sitting outside for several days of freezing, then using a half can of Lysol spray, to kill any and all fungus and such, I had a free pair of boots ( the can of Lysol was from the bathroom at work ). Those suckers were comfortable from day one, and lasted a long time. I can’t imagine why they were thrown away. Well, I did patch them many times with silicon caulking and/or shoe goo, but eventually it got to the point they were beyond saving. The bottom tread was so far gone water kept getting in somewhere. I can’t walk around with wet socks all day in the winter, so I broke down and bought a new pair of Wal-Mart boots ( the old pair were Survivors, the new brand is Brahma ). Not as comfortable ( the uppers being padded fabric rather than leather ), but acceptable and a great price for steel toe boots at $30. On the other hand, I have nothing but bad things to say about the Wal-Mart exclusive bicycle brand products. Bell, you people turn out absolute crap, thank you all so very much and may your souls burn for all eternity in the fiery depths of Hell. I’ve bought close to a half dozen of their products and all are worthless ( I’ve returned a few ). When the last of my $1 red flashing LED bike lights wore out ( the plastic parts, not the lights ), I had to buy a Wal-Mart Bell LED bike light. Of course, a few weeks later the dollar store once again starting carrying their lights. My luck. After a year and a half out of stock and they start carrying it after I waste $15. The Bell product worked just fine at first, and I had no problem with the price. It wasn’t cheap flimsy plastic. Sturdy. Then, after a month, my white light ( in the set there is both a white and red light ) ran out of juice. They are advertised to get 160 hours on blink mode, so I figured half that on full power. No. After a mere twenty hours the batteries were drained ( the batteries from the same pack were still powering the red light ). I replaced them. That set only worked for ten hours. Although my red light is still going on the same first set of batteries. So, even though the light is still working, it is getting less efficient each battery change. Soon, I’ll be down to five minutes on a set of batteries. I’m going back to dollar store units ( hopefully I can stockpile enough for the next drought ). BELL BRAND SUCKS.

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Sam, that beautiful bastard that sends care packages, money, and gives me article ideas, thus making him one of my favorites ( you can easily buy my love, but I don’t put out to outees, only innies ), has once again helped a brother out. His idea was coffee as barter. Duh, right? Why didn’t I think of that. Here I am, sitting high on my mountain, dispensing wisdom to the illiterate masses, granting limited audiences the right to gaze at me reverently, and I’m so busy with knowing all of the big universal questions ( how many cattle must I own before I am eligible for polygamous marriage? What is the minimum age a combatant must be before I feel guilty for shooting him? Does human stew taste like chicken? ) that I miss the small obvious stuff. Now, any yahoo can stockpile cans of coffee and call it barter items. The new twist was to have instant in individual serving sizes. You might think this is silly, but as was pointed out to me, do you think rimfire is better? Of course not! Rimfire can be used against you. Yet survivalists are still debating its use as barter. It isn’t a good idea to use ammo as currency. You give it to your good buddy Joe for a few cigarettes. Joe gives it to his trustworthy companion for some cocaine. That guy gives it to the pimp at the brothel who gives it to a complete stranger that gives it to a gang of bandits to stop from being tortured and before you know it you are dead from your own ammo. Coffee, on the other hand, won’t turn around and bite you on the ass. At worst, it can be used as an enema and the only danger there is dehydration. Currency will be a scarce commodity that can be used as a trade device or used by itself for its own benefits. Such as cigarettes in post WWII Europe. Or chocolate during the occupation. Tobacco during pre-Revolutionary America. Tobacco has a long history of being a currency, but isn’t as good for the near future.

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First, it is too damn expensive to stockpile now. Once it gets grown on plantations again, even once transported across state lines by barge or mule, it will be cheaper ( the taxes are insane right now ). Secondly, tobacco use is declining, while coffee use is just going up. They are both grown in certain climates only, so both are transported long distances. Coffee is cheap to stock, even coming much longer distances. Tobacco will once again triumph post-collapse, but for now the commodity to cheaply stock is coffee. And instant tastes so bad, akin to ass sludge, that long storage periods can’t make it taste worse. Plus, it is convenient, an attribute that shall be in short supply after the crash. So while unattractive now ( fresh tastes so much better ), in the future its ease of consumption will be the big selling point, making it much more valuable.

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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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