fundamentals-the jim washer

FRIDAY FUNDAMENTALS-THE JIM WASHER


If you were to go shopping over at http://www.lehmans.com/ and decided to buy a tool that washed your clothes off grid you could get one for only $650. Now, Lehman’s is great for a few items like the ceramic water filter replacement elements for $39, the Shaver Saver for $12 and the non-electric nose/ear hair trimmer for $20 ( once you pass a certain age suddenly your nose and ears sprout hair like they just had Snake Oil Sam’s Magical Hair Tonic sprinkled on them- they used to sell decent battery power units in the dollar store but now you can only find very low quality ones at Wal-Mart for $7. This manual clipper with titanium blades should last you the rest of your life ) but almost everything else they sell is extreme high dollar. Like $500 for the James Washer and $150 for the clothes wringer that goes with it. The James Washer is nothing more than a 55 gallon drum ( or perhaps it’s a thirty gallon drum-whatever ) cut down the middle, set up on legs with a hinged door and with a handle attached. You put your clothes in and pull the handle back and forth to agitate the soap and water through the clothes. There are two problems with this. One, FIVE HUNDRED FRIGGIN DOLLARS!!!!!!!!! And two, this is still a lot of work. I’ve thought of a much better way to clean your clothes and have humbly titled it The Jim Washer. Get it? Instead of a James washer it is a Jim washer. My name being Jim. Come on- this is my A game here.

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Before the James Washer pretty much the only choice you had for cleaning your clothes by hand was a wash board. The ribbed metal sheet in between two wooden handles ( now you usually only see them in poor white trash bands being played alongside two metal spoons being clanked together ). I remember as a kid reading Steinbeck and his “Travels With Charley” and the author put his clothes in a sealed bucket with soap and water as he traveled. The motion of the vehicle rocked the load back and forth to agitate the load. But that was with motorized aid and here I’m talking hand labor. Another idea was to take a five gallon plastic bucket, cut a hole in the lid, slid in a new toilet plunger and pump the plunger up and down to agitate the clothes. Again, this is a lot of work. Although the price is right. Not no Gott Damn Five Hundred Friggin Dollars!!!! Spending five hundred bucks for a manual clothes washer is as insane as the military spending $800 for a toilet seat ( or more recently, $475 for a gallon of experimental algae diesel fuel- can’t you just taste the upcoming energy independence in that? ).

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I got the idea of wringing your clothes with a mop bucket wringer from online when a hurricane survivor was sharing her experiences surviving grid down. But I wanted a better idea than the bucket and hand pumping plunger ( I bought a metal version from Lehman’s instead of using the toilet type but it is prone to rusting and one load wore me out- of course, granted, even after cutting back on cigarettes a decade ago I still get winded easily ). I wanted a James Washer, but one I could make myself by jerry-rigging rather than spending big bucks. Did I mention that a James Washer is FIVE HUNDRED MO HUMPING DOLLARS?!?!?! It took quite awhile but after thinking really hard and wearing out a mental part or two ( with no replacement on hand ) I came up with an answer. I normally don’t have a lot of original ideas, shamelessly content to steal other peoples, but this was one of the few. It is simply putting your sealed bucket with clothes, soap and water in a rocking chair. Sit next to it and use your leg muscles to keep it rocking so your clothes are agitated. Your leg muscles are much stronger than your arms and you will work much less doing it this way. Your cost? A plastic bucket or two, some rope or a bungee cord, a used rocking chair from the thrift store and a mop bucket with wringer.

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You shouldn’t spend more than $75-$100. Mine was all free, as I trash picked the mop bucket/wringer and the rocking chair ( okay, to be honest it was a rocking stool without a back so it might be too top heavy. And I will have to buy a good strap for it. But since my storage space is lacking and the price was right I’m going with it for now ). At Wal-Fart the bucket and wringer aren’t too much over thirty bucks and that should be the most expensive part. If you spend more than that on the rocking chair you are shopping at the wrong place. But do keep in mind the chair is a “two-fer”. You get a comfortable chair that doubles as a washing machine on wash day. Frankly, I’m not the most original guy out there so it is quite embarrassing that nobody else out there came up with this one ( the other day I came up with “the Black Stalin” for Obammy [ you know, like the movie about the horse, Black Stallion ] but a Google search showed someone had beat me to it by over two years ). This is how far we’ve regressed by becoming consumers. Wash your clothes smart, easy and cheap ( and PS-the vacuum washer they have out there needs hot water.  Mine can use cold, which is an advantage ).

END FUNDAMENTALS. SCROLL DOWN FOR MORE DRIVEL

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I’ve gotten off my dead ass and created a new page over at www.bisonpress.com that has all the Friday Fundamentals articles linked. I did this mainly to remind myself what I’ve already written about but also because folks new to this game might benefit from not having to wade through all my drivel for the basics. Yes, you are more than welcome. No, it isn’t totally free. You are expected to pay me back by buying through my Amazon links ( or snail mail canned bacon, canned coffee, silver, books or 303 brass ). Or, if you are the scum sucking anal whore that promised to pay me for taking pictures of the Bison Compound, you can send my $20.

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