baby jesus loves me

BABY JESUS LOVES ME

A guest article was posted earlier this morning.
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Nothing particularly satisfying topic wise was coming to me this fine Saturday morning and so in my infinite wisdom and immeasurable generosity I decided to combine a few previous minion comments and my shopping experience. This is what would be sneered at as a “what I had for dinner last night” blog post and while normally none of us would give two craps about other people ( other people usually being oxygen wasting asshats and unworthy of all but our scorn and contempt ), here we are in fact talking about yours truly which basically means that whatever task was previously engaging you, whether it be pulling your drowning child from raging flood waters or fondling your naked aroused spouse, you immediately disregard as unimportant and rivet your gaze upon your computer screen and soak in my wise words as the holy writ that they are. Even in my most banal and boring my most humble experiences shine so brightly that your entire existence and cumulative experiences pale. Just as with kings of old or most revered wise men perched in isolation atop a remote mountain top, even my digestive and eliminative acts hold the masses captivated.

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As much as we hold the very act of unbridled consumption in contempt, pointing with quivering finger in orgasmic glee the over excessive shoe collection of Pilipino First Ladies, we are in fact and practice merely shopping idiots. And before you protest, think of the following. How many times has your wife, girlfriend or significant other snorted and laughed at a fat bitch walking by? And how chunky monkey is your main squeeze? If the vast majority of Americans show the results of decades of Moon Pie and RC Cola over consumption, chances are pretty good her ass is as dimpled as the rest of them. Hey, no ugliness here. Fat is good. It shows breeding potential ( and gives you something to hang on to ), and more importantly for our purposes here, it is a mobile food pantry to feed her in a collapse. Which means more wheat flat bread for you. My point is this. She herself is chunky, overweight, fat. And yet she snickers at fems fatter than herself. We are all consumers, and laughing at the excesses of other consumers doesn’t mean we are better people. We still support the American Nightmare of Banker Control, resource depletion and colonizing all the colored people in faraway lands. So, rather than fight the impulse to consume like a crack bitch collecting footwear, just embrace it. It is what our masters want. BUY! Why save money when the helicopter pilots will just drop more? ( speaking macro-economically here, obviously everyone needs some kind of savings for that proverbial rainy day )

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Buying helps you, spending worthless paper to buy tangibles, and it helps the economy stay afloat just a smidge longer. The central bankers nipples bulge outwards, your sphincter tightens at the sight of an overflowing pantry and hopefully as a reward for my annoying cheerleading I get a commission on most of it for you buying through Amazon. There is little time to spare before the semi-truck fleets sit idle at $6 a gallon diesel and the paper money inflates hourly. Buy your month stockpile of groceries and toiletries. This keeps you in basics no matter the price of gasoline or the state of the grocery shelves ( like the rat whoring bastards at Wal-Mart always selling out of cheap coffee ). Then, buy your six months of basics to help transition to your wheat and beans diet. I’ll get mighty sick of tuna, chili and Spam come the end of distribution, but at least I’ll have six months of meat before I’m forced into a vegan diet. And of course, your years and years of bare bones basics, your grain and bean dry storage. You need those three different storage strategies ( and propeller topped beanie covered head nod to the minion who brought that up in the comments ). And, yes, you do have the storage space for it. If I can do it in a travel trailer and seven by twelve storage van ( which isn’t at all mostly food, having old trash picked shoes and clothes wringers and bags and bags of ten cent used paperbacks and spare propane heaters and this, that and the other non-edible items piled precariously ). Okay, sure, I have the covered pit. Eight by eight and five feet deep. But that is a more recent addition and it barely has started being filled. You CAN find storage if you work at it.

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Friday afternoon after work we went to the feed store. Two surprises were in store, and quite shocking, they were good surprises. First, they had four hundred pounds of wheat in stock. I needed five hundred, but they had enough to make me deliriously happy. I had in a mere week gone from stressing about my amount of food storage after the corn fiasco to going back to fat and sassy. The “insurance” was once again paid for and in effect. I would much rather gaze upon rows of stacked buckets of wheat than have a few piles of green paper currency. One is real security, the other a hollow empty promise of rich pukes willing to sell me into slavery for their own obscene wealth. The second pleasant surprise was that the price of wheat had tumbled! I only paid $11.79 for each fifty pound sack of wheat. Before I was paying $15 ( I can’t say for sure, that might have been soon after oil had reached $150 a barrel- if so, evidently the feed store retail price is influenced more by oil than the Chicago Exchange price. And, it handily gives you a price equation of retail wheat to barrel of oil. Oil $150, wheat $15. Ten percent. Now oil is nearly $110 and wheat is $12. Okay, not perfect. But perhaps closer than my previous guess of price for kernel and white flour being equal ).

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So, the obvious conclusion I have reached is that Baby Jesus loves me. The price of wheat declines at the same time I have a few extra bucks. I’m going to start adding to my wheat stash, even after I replace all the lost corn. This is the equivalent of the planets aligning. The signs are here. A gift from heaven. The last chance to save for seven years of lean after a time of plenty. Okay, more like a hundred years of plenty, followed by multiple centuries of lean. We have the opportunity. And it isn’t like we are Jews having to decide if we should give up all the security and savings we have and immigrate. The only “hard” choice is whether you should spend $12 a shot on food security. Baby Jesus is warning you, I’m warning you, and if Ross Perot wasn’t busy dodging North Korean assassins he would be warning you.

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Seriously! $12? You can’t find $12?

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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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Anyone can submit a guest article. No minimum word length, no writing skill necessary ( just get the idea across ). You retain copyright ( this must be your original writing ) and I’ll just use the once. I’ve yet to turn down an article, just don’t use the N Bomb or libel another that can sue me. Send by e-mail ( please, label as “guest article” so I can find it easily later ). Payment will be your removal from my enemies list.
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By the by, all my writing is copyrighted. For the obtuse out there.
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