conveyance switch

CONVEYANCE SWITCH


Well, as you may be aware by now, last Saturday certainly wasn’t the end of the world. As I keep trying to tell everyone, that doesn’t happen until next year. I can’t be sure of the exact date, but anywhere from the end of May to the end of August ( first of September at the very latest ). This isn’t based on some unscientific mumbo jumbo from the Bible ( which has been proven for two thousand years to be able to mean pretty much whatever you want it to mean ), but on unbiased observed phenomenon. To whit, I am never to be allowed to enjoy the fruits of my own labor, and as soon as the scum sucking asshats in Florida deem it no longer legal to withhold ex-wife support from my paycheck, the world will end, so that I can’t have my full paycheck. The inexactitude of the date is simply that although my son graduates in late May, and hence by the divorce degree that would be the end of the support, many times in the past those pukes have drawn whatever other conclusions they wish and done as they desired. So they might wait for his 19th birthday instead. Obviously, they will see the end of their days in misery as Florida should be one of the first states to screw over their retirees, but that is small consolation. However, do not despair, because even if the world didn’t end last Saturday, there were clear signs. My truck gave a clear indicator that it was going to take a big squishy crap and let me know to stop driving it ASAP. Losing ones internal combustion engine driven conveyance would, to most other people, indeed be the end of the world.

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I just mouthed off to everyone that I was seriously considering not renewing the truck insurance at the start of next year, and going all bicycle. The truck, bless her for hanging in there damn long as she was a ancient tired work horse, had steadily been getting worse. Skin cancer was disintegrating the panels, gas mileage was decreasing, and she was starting to see the mechanic as a second home. I just spend $200 last month, and it didn’t make anything all that much better but just halted the decline momentarily. For a vehicle that was basically only used to drive wife #4 into gamble, haul water and propane and groceries, it was becoming a rather expensive means of transport. Baby Jesus of course knows what is best for me, and keeps a pretty sharp eye on me. He’s got my back. He didn’t screw with me last week, the spring food drive, when I was dead tired. But this week he let me know in no uncertain terms that it was time to retire the truck. I swear, a couple more miles and the clutch ( or something weird thrown in there for changing gears ) would have completely failed. I won’t put anymore cash into it, so that was the last ride in the truck. My kids cost me a pretty penny this year ( not that I mind at all, just bad timing ), the truck breaking, normal bike repairs, #4 leaving, all combined have halved my savings and I needed to stop hemorrhaging. Now, while it is true that the truck averages $100 a month operating cost, not including repairs ( $60 gas for four trips into town, $25 insurance, $10 AAA, $5 registration ), I’m only going to see the $60 saving each month since the insurance is usually paid at the beginning of the year and taken out of the tax return. However, that $60 plus the $60 it used to cost to keep #4 leaves me an extra $120 a month. 20% reduction in expenses out of my paycheck ( writing/ad revenue money is separate ). Not bad, eh?

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If we started to include mechanic costs, I would save even more. But I don’t want to get too greedy in my statement related to savings associated with doing away with a motor vehicle. 10% minimum. Of course there will be an increase in aggravation to go along with bike freight hauling. I haven’t secured a back-up bike just yet, hoping to buy a used American bike from the bike shop rather than getting a new Chinese bike from Wal-Mart. That had been one reason I wanted to wait a little longer before I stopped driving. But Baby Jesus, bless his pea picking heart, knows something I don’t. Either the ex will want to move back in and by taking away the truck we means to make that prospect unappealing to her ( knowing I can’t control the little brain ), or, gasoline is about to surge in price. Either way, he’s got me covered to weather it by pushing the issue up from six months from now, to immediately. I know you are all extremely jealous of my hair, but please don’t be even more envious about my special relationship with a divine being. It isn’t all benefits, I also have responsibilities. I’m not just trying to warm you silly bastards for the meager paycheck. I also carry a bit of a religious torch about the whole thing. As much as I hate helping other people, if I stopped I would no longer be a favorite, card carrying, beer drinking buddy of The Man.

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At first I had been pondering getting a trailer for the bike. Those propane tanks are too heavy for a regular basket or bike rack. But, something actually clicked in my brain, and I brought a full propane tank into town last week and weighed it on the professional scale at work. I was pleasantly surprised that it only weighed 35 pounds. All this time I’m thinking it weighed closer to 100 ( I guess I am getting old ). A week prior to that I’d noticed a new style rack at Wal-Mart that was rated to 55 pounds. Instead of flimsy metal twigs, the support arms that screw to the bike frame are stout aluminum. If I haul three gallons of water a day I’m at half the rack maximum carrying capacity. When I come into town on Saturdays for propane, I’m still only at ¾. It might break after a years use, or however long, but it is just like any bike part that needs replacing. Now I don’t have to worry about two trailer tires going flat. And the rack was $30, compared to $100 for the trailer ( plus the cost of puncture proofing the tires ). As I said, there will be bad days. Peddling into the wind with an extra 35 pounds. Or through the mud. Or, walking into town with a flat tire. Hey, ain’t nothing free. To shave 10% from your budget, you have to make a few sacrifices. But I think despite the need for an upheaval in my routine, it will be nice to be free of the tyranny of the gas driven machine ( yes, there is still the generator- but a much more minor inconvenience ).

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