knights in white satin part 2

KNIGHTS IN WHITE SATIN PART 2


As we left our fearless hero last article, he may or may not have realized that aspiring to leadership in the post-apocalypse wasteland wasn’t a great idea. If nothing else, as far as not drawing the wrong kind of attention to oneself. Some would argue that my advice is far too timid, that the only way to assure things are done right, they must do it themselves. If in fact you allowed some mouth breathing moron to run things he would be so incompetent that his actions would get you killed anyway. But let’s set that aside for a bit and ask ourselves if the whole legend/myth/fantasy of you, a middle class frustrated powerless schmuck, ever aspiring to lead your fellow survivors is logical or just drivel. I think the whole start of this being viewed with distain by those outside the field is that when it does take on a medieval tone it does sound ridiculous. You, a baron or a duke or some such rot. Or, when they do take the time to upgrade to modern sensibilities, the idea is just as ridiculous as viewing you as a gang leader or a military general. By making the lens a delusional one, by exaggerating your role or importance or capabilities, you do come off looking like a flaming retard. Look at me, I’m some tinpot dictator of my own little kingdom. You end up looking like a strutting peacock. It would be one thing if this was just another sad and pathetic paintbrush stroke by our legions of enemies trying to make us look like jerk-off’s, but unfortunately we’ve pretty much embraced the whole notion ourselves. We’re not doing ourselves any favors here.

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The idea that we shall rise from the nuclear ashes and lead our fellow man to salvation and a peaceful life, so much improved from the present, is just the kind of fictional pulp that sends our heart racing, our sphincter clenching and our wallets being willingly drained to buy yet another entry into said series churned out by well meaning but anthropologically, economically, politically ignorant authors. But you need to look at it in two ways. First, all this is really, without any of the self imposed whoopla, is the alpha male leading a group of monkeys. Every group needs one, and whatever the desired traits are, the primate with them wins. We are pack animals, and a pack isn’t lead by committee. Second, I don’t think dreaming of the alpha slot is unique to hairless apes. I think it is a universal desire for any animal that is lead. Our only sin is that we put a dress and some lipstick on a pig and try to call it something else rather than just bacon on the hoof ( what do you call pigs feet? ). Aren’t you glad we cleared this up? Whenever some braying ass goes on and on about survivalists delusional aspirations to grandeur, just drop the alpha male monkey analogy. Somebody’s got to keep those dirty stinking apes in line.

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Now, what about the actual feasibility of YOU taking charge? I think that we can safely conclude that your argument of “I was smart enough to prepare to survive” isn’t going to cut any ice. Because there are so friggin few survivalists out there, curse all your hides for not being a buxomly wench salivating at the prospect of seeking shelter in my tin hovel, eating wheat and crapping in a bucket, odds are pretty good that the two survivors in your area aren’t going to be survivalists in the traditional sense. One will be a pre-collapse prepper, that’s you, and the other will be a regular Joe that survived by luck or more likely quick adaptation. He will feel like he’s much more intelligent than you simply because he didn’t have a stockpile of goodies to fall back on. He did it the hard way. And as we’ve already discussed, any fools you pre-supply will quickly turn ungrateful and kill you for your share. If you do hook up with other preppers, you all want to be the alpha male. Your family will stop you at every opportunity pre-collapse from actually doing anything functional for hard times, yet blame you afterwards for not doing more. They won’t listen to you because they hated you before for not being the perfect TV dad/husband ( work enough to have oodles of money, yet also have tons of time to lavish on them- I personally like the old stereotype where dad either worked, or slept afterwards, while the stay at home mom tended to all the wetnose warbling and wailing. Dad was a model to work hard and then die as soon as the house was paid off but before a nursing home was needed ) and they will hate you after because of their own stupidity. You can strut about all you want, but I don’t think anyone, if there is anyone left, will listen to your sensible ideas to become as self sustaining as quickly as possible.

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You can either go find a group and challenge for leadership, or enslave the ones near you, forcing them against their will, or work for the current alpha, but you won’t have too many other options. Remember, an agricultural fiefdom must expand to an area large enough to support an army to defend it. Kingdoms will be small, but they won’t be so small that you’ll be left to your own affairs. And intelligence might not be what is needed in any kind of leadership role, but ruthlessness. Don’t let survivalist fantasies blind you to reality. Semi auto’s will assure me battlefield supremacy. I’ll be able to eat modern oil age food forever. With a big enough propane tank I’ll never experience discomfort in winter. Or, you can ever lead the ignorant sum bitches that need saving from themselves.

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