unemployed

UNEMPLOYED


Whenever you make some kind of comment, you can sure several things will happen. I’ll ignore you. I’ll respond flippantly without length, if you are lucky. Or, just to teach you to be careful what you wish for, and you get really unlucky, I’ll make an article out of it and talk about it way to much. I pride myself on trying to explain something it such irritating detail that you will be sorry you asked. Today, what shall I do when I become unemployed? I could answer in a few sentences and then I would have to find something else to talk about, like how the Nebraska nuke plant just flooded and all you sill Yankees are going to die. Of course, you’ve probably already been poisoning yourselves with the frac gas polluted groundwater so its no big deal. So, let’s take the lesser of evils and talk about unemployment. Regular folks, with bills equaling 110% of their two paychecks, an underwater house, spoiled kids, three ancient cars on the verge of breakdown and a TV cable and cellular bill combo that probably equals my entire regular net paycheck ( 50% of minimum wage at 36 hours a week ). You, your family and the horses you rode in on are probably humped blue come unemployment. You will be homeless, hounded by creditors and your children will make up lies to protective services to get into a cozy foster home ( don’t laugh- that is exactly what wife #3’s two younger kids did. And you thought your family was dysfunctional ).

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Now, if you were to become Lucky Wife #5, you’d have a place to stay. Here’s my new plan. I know that even though all you gals not so secretly lust after me, you have several important reservations against dropping everything, moving to this craphole and becoming Lady Bison. Firstly, you are thinking to yourself, what if the apocalypse never happens? I’m stuck with this conceited asshat with his nose in a book all the time, freezing my ass off in the winter and crapping in a bucket. Hey, I understand. It’s a lot to risk. So, you move out to Elko, but move into town and get a job. There you can live with grid power, flushing toilets, retaining your independence. I’ll be little bother, merely insisting on regularly scheduled conjugal visits. Then, come regular unemployment or the collapse of western civilization, you can move out to the Bison Compound. Sure, I’d rather have a live in relationship. It’s much more warm at night with a body next to you, and if you are like most gals that have so little self esteem that you’d have a relationship with me, you are pretty fat and hence throw off extra heat in the winter. Ideally, I could have a skinny wife for the summer and a fat one for the winter, also cutting down on my food bill some of the year, but I don’t want to push my luck. Hey, think about it, that’s all I’m asking ( if you are skinny and have a best friend that is fat you can throw in as wife #5, share an apartment in town to cut expenses and BOTH reap the benefits- just not at the same time. I’m getting a bit old for that kind of stuff ). Anyway, as the economy really starts to take a crap I’m sure this offer will look better and better. Just beware rents here are a bit high, reflecting the fact we actually have a few jobs left to offer.

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Come unemployment, I’ll merely be forced to actually go through with my original plan, which is to be a full time writer. It is risky, since as the economy tanks, so do Amazon sales. Hopefully the economy is not so bad I can’t get Food Stamps. With only half my regular writing money, I can still pay for propane and a bike. If that doesn’t have to buy food. Of course, by canning meat and eating mostly potatoes, grains and legumes I can drop my food budget to $100 a month, but I’d hate to do that if I still had to peddle into town several times a week. My body really demands a lot of protein or I move very sluggishly. The fly in the ointment is the land payment. I didn’t move to the paid off lot 50% farther away from town because of commuting. On my bike, hauling ( notice the bikes new name, Red Cargo Hauler, and its initials RCH? Think about it ) water and propane, that commute would be an extreme bitch. Remember, the wind here blows constantly late morning to dusk almost every day ( proof that global warming exists? The norm here is to fight the wind going home. Every damn day. Once, at most twice a year, the wind is at my back. Last month, it was at my back twice in one friggin week. Abnormal weather proof ). With extreme cold, and the wind, six miles home is bad enough. Adding fifty percent even worse. But, the deciding factor was at the further lot, the last two miles are all up hill. Truly. If I was forced to, I could. But all my clearing and digging in is on the “mortgaged” lot, and I’m hoping to stay there.

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Bottom line, unemployment to me will be an inconvenience, not a life altering event. If there was no writing income or no Food Stamps, I’d wager it is collapse time anyway. As long as food can be transported and cooked, I can’t see the feds allowing people to starve ( under martial law, yes. But not under the current business as usual, keep the bankers in profits no matter the cost mode ). Under the present arrangement of things, sure, shelter and transportation is up to you, but at least you can still eat ( I’m aware of the dilemma of getting Food Stamps while actually having assets- should be a minor hump ). Sure, it would be great to own enough good land and feed myself come unemployment, but then there is the property tax issue. I’d say baring collapse, this is as good as it gets as a plan for unemployment. Just needing food and a few bucks for power and peddling. Once the dwelling is paid for, and you have no debts, unemployment is no longer the nightmare you’ve come to use to motivate yourself to mount the gerbil wheel every day.

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The Official Bison Web Site http://www.bisonpress.com/

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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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Anyone can submit a guest article. No minimum word length, no writing skill necessary ( just get the idea across ). You retain copyright ( this must be your original writing ) and I’ll just use the once. I’ve yet to turn down an article, just don’t use the N Bomb or libel another that can sue me. Send by e-mail ( please, label as “guest article” so I can find it easily later ). Payment will be your removal from my enemies list.
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By the by, all my writing is copyrighted. For the obtuse out there.
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