white castle

WHITE CASTLE


A few days ago I threw out one of those pearls of wisdom that you expect of me daily. If I left it alone at the one simple sentence it would radiate knowledge and perfection, hailed by one and all as the most propound utterance ever by anyone. Alas, I have to screw it up by revisiting it and analyzing the crap out of it, annoying everyone and ruining a once perfect idea. Hey, that’s just how I roll Dawg. I have to blather until you puke, just as if I had a scab I felt compelled to pick until it was bloody and pus rolled freely. And you pay for me for this. HA! Suckers. As I said, there seems to be a legacy of “isolated survival” that most of us subconsciously allow to dictate our preparations. Harking back to the fallout shelters of the Cold War era, the accepted strategy of all good little preppers is to build a fortress, a castle, defend it against the initial interlopers, and then survive happily ever after.

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We all want a die-off, not just the bankers and politicians who skim the cream off the decaying corpse of our falling Empire ( I would stipulate that American Empire has started to collapse/disintegrate long ago and only in hindsight might we be able to date that ). A die-off allows us, the only few worthies, to survive. We can’t kill them all, nor can a non-oil energy existence keep them alive. They need to die so that we may live. Look at Earth Abides. The Stand. Living off the canned goods left behind by the die-off. Charlton Heston made a movie career off the die-off. But the other side of the die-off, besides left over food stocks, is the lack of forces that besiege our castle. Without a die-off we can’t hold back the tide. In essence, we want to exterminate the Indians ( feather, not dot ) so we can have their land over a gold mine, but we want someone or something else to kill them. I’m not saying it is bad. I hate most folks and wouldn’t care for a minute if they disappeared. As long as enough breeding stock was left, and a few folks to jaw with were left, let’s purge those billions already. But we are going to get ourselves in trouble if we allow our desire for die-off to cloud our defenses.

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We want and need a die-off. Vast surges of starving urbanites drifting into our area are very, very bad. Most of your fellow townies are worthless asshats. Your area doesn’t support too many people agriculturally. But we’ve got this mental picture stuck in our heads that we only have to kill a few invaders and then the rest will die. The sirens howl, the missiles are coming. We race to our fallout shelter. A few neighbors are there, demanding to be let in ( picture all this in a “Leave It To Beaver” era ). You pull out your trusty service issue 45, blasting Fred, a fat puke who leers at your wife, taking a chunk out of Bill, who hasn’t returned your edger yet, then give his fat four eyes beehive hairdo wife a backhand with the barrel. The entrance clear, you race the family in, seal it up and the nukes start falling. No one else will bother you as they are all atomized and atmospheric. In a few weeks you emerge to rule the world.

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Of course, we’ve perfected this scenario over time. Now, if we bug out to our wilderness concrete bunker we merely have to kill a few crowds wandering up from California or wherever. Since we were so crafty with our real estate selection, few find us. A few thousand rounds from our righteous and awesome semi-auto’s later, we emerge to rule the world. I’m the last one to claim that revenge and power are NOT powerful inducements to prepare for Armageddon. This crap, done right, is hard work and a real bummer on your social life. It is a big sacrifice for an unknown event happening one second to one lifetime away from now. A total unknown, more or less within logical parameters, that requires the devotion of a religious fanatic. I’d say we deserve a few fantasies as a reward. But remember, wishing for something and expecting it are two different things. With the average American a fat pathetic bovine, the population will NOT die off quickly without an Extinction Level Event ( such as Yellowstone, asteroid impact or all out nuke war ). There is enough blubber on most of us to live more than a month without eating, while only suffering a minimal loss of energy. There will be plenty of heart attacks and diabetes complication deaths. And plenty of deadly firefights. But like army ants, each barely hurting you but collectively stripping your flesh, the immense numbers will work against you.

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All I’m trying to convey here is that the die-off will not be over quickly. It will be a longer more drawn out process than any of us would like ( except perhaps bounty hunters getting paid per head ). Just prepare yourself for that mentally. It isn’t over as soon as we fight our way to the shelter blast doors. The zombies will keep coming.

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Okay, I have to comment on this. Graduation cakes? Seriously? Who the hell gives an adult a frosting cake for graduating? Evidently plenty of idiots, if the surplus being donated to the food bank are any indication. I only remember my jail term of high school as being really long and miserable. I couldn’t wait to be released on work furlough. There wasn’t a damn thing to celebrate, it was merely a relief to be done with it. Do inmates get a cake on being released from prison? Come on! They want a bottle of Jack and a hooker. Where’s my prostitute I should have got at graduation? Puberty should be the onset of adulthood. Knock the bitches up and throw a yoke around the boys in an apprenticeship. This prolonging of childhood is ridiculous. A Big Boy Treat at the end of being a child is condescending and if I might say, pretty freaking gay. Frosted cake! Thanks for manning him up for the real world, Yuppie Mom.

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