cost of doing business

THE COST OF DOING BUSINESS

The cost of doing business. Such an innocent, almost Adam Smithian term. You think of building a factory or training workers. Alas, this is not the case. In actual fact, the cost of doing business is really about bribing others. Okay, a bookie or pimp has to bribe the cop on the beat to not bust them most of the time ( you have to make things look legit every once in awhile ). I don’t see much wrong there, since by and large these are victimless crimes and a cops job should be to maintain order, not get a politician reelected or be a local strong man for the Federales ( of course, that is exactly what they mostly do, besides revenue enhancement to bail out the politicians ill invested pension funds-who knew a million dollar mobile home in Malibu would ever decrease in value?- and don’t even get me started on the SWAT teams jack booted thugs obsequiously licking the ass of DC for funding ). A cop on the take from local crime lords, using non violent crime as a revenue stream, is far more benign than LEO’s officially taking grants and suppressing those same crimes violently, with all the collateral damage of an Army unit in Baghdad.

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The cost of doing business for a business is paying workers a living wage, even if that is too high, just to avoid sabotage. I simply just love the screams of anguish, as if a white hot dildo was crammed up their anal orifice, of Republicans and Conservatives and perhaps even some liberals who aren’t getting enough kickbacks themselves, as they all whimper about minimum wage laws being ruinous for businesses. First, you can’t raise minimum wage fast enough to ever come close to equaling the damage that those politicians do by their regulations and taxes ( as a very small example, every time the health inspector visits us- and don’t get me wrong he is a pretty decent guy, especially for that breed- he costs us a lot of time or money. This last inspection saw the kitchen cook go to a $500 class on food safety that wasn’t even as difficult as the certificates we already had but was the new officially recognized standard ). Secondly, if those penny wise and pound foolish ( same thing as saying you spend a buck to save a dime ) business owners who complained to their Congresscritters actually got their wish to shave five percent off their costs by having more workers getting starvation wages, they would be losing far more to theft and even more than that in customer mistreatment. You need to bribe your workers to treat your customers right. I didn’t even go to business school and I can figure that out.

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The cost of doing business for the survivalist, prepping for the off the cliff collapse, is bribing your family. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for dropping the hammer on the bitches and running things by dictate. They WILL prepare, they WILL do it without complaint, and they WILL like it. Of course, that might have something to do with being single and seeing my kids once every three to five years. But seriously, how about bribing everyone to willingly cooperate? I don’t particularly like the idea, since all those X-Box games and French make-up purchases should be going to wheat and bolt actions, then for earth berming around the house for ballistic protection. That flat screen TV won’t stop any bullets, you worthless pukes! But if this is the only way to keep peace and still get things accomplished in the short time we have left, so be it. Here’s what I had in mind.

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Gather round the family and propose a grand experiment to get more money into everyone’s pockets. That will get their attention! For every dollar shaved from the budget, everyone gets a share. I would go 30% for each parent and 20% each kid ( I’m assuming a four person family ). Now, granted, you are earning most or all of this money. But families have serious entitlement issues. They think it is THEIR money. Bribes are not about who deserves the money but about who holds the power over you. Try taking all the money and see how long it is before the bitch leaves you, takes the kids, and gets sixty to eighty percent of your paycheck. Bribing them is cheaper. Also, you have to pay more than they deserve because you must motivate them. Five or ten percent of fifty bucks will not motivate today’s soft and lazy youth to sacrifice anything. That is why you need that 20%. Any less and no results should be forthcoming. The whole idea here is to get everyone chipping in willingly. Greed for more will ensure continued budget cutting.

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Now, you have to get the ball rolling. You must “seed the tip jar” as it were. Take an expense that is just for you, say your golf games every weekend, and take that money and divide with everyone. They know this will be coming every payday. Wow! This is exciting. Free money. Now the ideas come fast and furious. Little Billy, who can’t lose any weight because his position on the baseball field is standing around on the grass waiting, volunteers to quite that sport. Gas savings, equipment savings. Perhaps it is only five bucks a week averaged out over the year, but it is something he doesn’t care about that much and is willing to give up. Little Sissy, who can’t give up her cell phone and actually wants more minutes, doesn’t much care if she eats in the cafeteria or brown bags it. Lunch savings, ten bucks a week ( I have no idea what school lunches cost, I’m just spitballing here ). Mom, who could stand to lose a bit of weight herself, because, come on, how believable is it that having kids is still responsible for that blubber after fifteen years, decides to give up those 800 calorie coffee drinks and switches to home brewed drip.

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If the kids and wife see that for every buck they themselves give up they get two bucks in cash back, they will pee down their legs in the excitement of slashing every buck they can from the budget. Even if the return is an even amount, they themselves are getting the cash rather than having the budget grant them a favor/service/product. You yourself might end up the loser, getting only half back, but you are buying future increased revenue stream. Remember, willing cooperation. 30% of each buck is better than 0% of everything. The family, motivated, agrees to things like cutting the cable TV to a lesser selection. Yes, all the easy picking will go first, but then, slowly but surely, perhaps they actual learn to be frugal. In their never ending quest to get more, more, MORE, they start really giving serious thought to the big ticket items. Do we really need that second or third car? If we could do without it, that sure would be a lot of extra cash. You get the idea.

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