Monday, July 04, 2011

doom porn

DOOM PORN


Yes, yes, I know. Same basic crap but a different day. In between gleaming peals of wisdom lie bland utterances not worthy of my greatness. But I can’t be on maximum volume every single day. Sometimes you just have to show up, buy some of my crap, and bide your time. And really, let’s face it. If I was to bury you in my best drivel, you would soon reach overload and your poor mind would shatter. But alternating days between profane and profound assumes you are able to recover. Sort of like alternating days in muscle groups when weight lifting, I’m giving you 48 hours to rest that flabby grey puddle of ooze you call a brain. God, the things I do for people. I’ll repeat the same idea two weeks later just to help you out ( this is my story and I’m sticking to it until I get a better one ). Okay, as I never tire of reminding you, other survival sites, and by other I’m pretty much talking about every single humping one ( even http://survivalacres.com/wordpress/ , while purporting to be in your face “the earth is melting” enviro catastrophe of unimaginable magnitude, makes his living off canned freeze dried food, which if you’ve ever bought one know that it would take a gabizillion bucks worth to feed one person for a year, so really, how serious is he about the end of the world if his business practices ensure only the very wealthy eat more than a few weeks? ), all pretty much tell you, “panic just enough to buy my crap, but don’t panic enough that you’ll quit your job, drop out of the rat race, move to the top of a hill and prepare for the end of the world”. I’m not trying to be unfair, here. That is exactly what is happening. Even if it is only subconscious, that is the end effect.

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I make noises now and then about just living off my writing income, but I worry I’ll turn into an obsequious toad licker also. Again, not to be critical of others because they do provide a service requested by the customer. 99% of survivalists want things to remain just as they are- the best of both worlds. The illusion of security from an AR-15 and a case of MRE’s and a nice paying job so they can sit back in their easy chair at the end of a day shuffling papers. Survivalists don’t want to actually see the end, they want the fantasy ( I’m pretty sure I don’t want the end, but I’m also pretty sure its in the process of happening ). So, other sites/writers tell the paying customer what they want to hear. This is fine American, flag waving and apple pie capitalism. How can one dispute that? But, the great thing about capitalism is it also has a lot of niche markets. I delight in rubbing your face in reality, and Baby Jesus alone can explain why you keep coming back for more. Another aspect of contemporary survival writing is that no one wants to look like an idiot. They worried about nuclear war, and the Soviet Union collapsed. They worried about running out of gasoline and Alaska and the North Sea came online. They worried about Y2K and nothing happened. Why predict disaster and make yourself look bad when nothing happens?

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The problem for me is that when every other survival writers soft sells his worry, I end up looking like the boy who cried wolf. Oh, that silly Jim, always panicking! Why does he work himself up- he should just get laid and relax. Personally, I think being optimistic is the mental illness, not the cynical paranoia like you all assume. When you assume a better tomorrow, you are risking being disappointed. If you assume the worst, and nothing happens, you get a pleasant surprise. If you are right you are prepared. Look at it this way. Go back forty years. Survival guru tells you, well, we believe the Soviets could nuke us at any time. But don’t panic! You have plenty of time to build a bomb shelter. In hindsight, they would be right. But at the time they would have sounded like damn fools for endangering your life by under rating a very real danger. No one did that, they told you to get prepared now. But now it is the exact opposite. No one thinks you need to worry overly much. How can we not worry MORE? We have twice the population and much less resources and more nuclear players. We should be more, not less, worried. Survival writers have gone from sentinels sounding the alarm to entertainers sugar coating threats, at the behest of the customers. I say, stop pandering to the customer. Offer a product you are proud of, and let those interested come to you. Otherwise you are just a corporate asshat. Oh, look, I went to business school for years to learn how to outsource labor for our profit. Really? You needed that much school to realize the cost of living differential conveyed a profit opportunity? Look at Sears, Target, the many and oodles and gobs of clothing-only stores whose names I never remember because I don’t shop there. They are totally petroleum dependent. Their business model is serf labor and trans-oceanic shipping. Like it takes genius to figure that one out? What they won’t figure out is how to be profitable once oil is truly expensive.

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Again, no offense to other survival writers. You are offering the public their doom porn at their request. I just wish that didn’t blind everyone to truly serious threats. How can you have a conversation when half the facts are off limits? Hell, I hope I’m wrong. I’ll gladly eat crow and smile. I have no ego. Well, not much. But as I never tire of telling you, if I’m wrong you lose nothing ( you bought preps quicker, and saved money due to inflation ). If they are wrong, you can lose your life ( you’ll still die following my advice, but I’ve increased your odds ). Nothing new here today, same old. A reminder that, one, I’m the only one who is always right and two, you should always expect me to repeat myself.

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Nothing to do with this article, but let me throw this out here ( and, it might redeem the crap above ). Got can openers? They are usually either shoddy in the extreme, so much so that even today’s thinner cans still tear them up quickly, or they are very pricey for good ones. For prep can openers, don’t buy them. They waste resources. Either by buying crap that will break or by spending way too much money for a marginal tool ( i.e., cans will disappear quickly and then you won’t need the openers ). Instead, buy the church key type ( the flat metal bar ending in a V, the other side a bottle cap opener ). Two for a buck, so you can buy several for you and several for barter and tie up almost no money doing so. No moving parts. Simple tools with nothing to break. And inexpensive. Sure, have a nice can opener for daily use. But not for emergency use. One of those small details you might have overlooked.

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The Official Bison Web Site http://www.bisonpress.com/

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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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9 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG, you've come up with a great new bumper sticker - being optimistic is a mental illness. Note how I cleverly substituted an “a” for your “the”. Even though this eliminates your copyright I am offering it back to you free of charge. Have them printed and sell them here.

vlad said...

You may buy a new packsack or vest for as little as $100; or you could roll your own.

Improvised packsack made of pants. Use rope in belt loops as drawstring. Tie off bottom each leg. Tie ropes from waist to each leg for straps.

Improvised three pocket vest made of a shirt. Fold bottom of shirt up to fourth or fifth button rom the top. Sew vertical seams at both sides of front opening, and at each side seam. You may wish affix X suspenders.

dennis said...

The most optimistic person in town is the mortician.

Randall said...

To those who look around them using their eyes only their is still a semblance of normality: malls stocked and open, SUVs crowding the roads. Look beneath the surface of things, however, and you will see the foundations of our industrial civilization turning to dust...

There will come a day, in the not distant future, when the apprehension of radical change will be visible and hence undeniable.

Anonymous said...

Vlad, I like your style.

Go to a site called DigiHitch and look up a LONG thread by an old hobo who calls himself KaBar. It's a long read and a real lesson in real survivalist thinking. The one idea that has stayed with me is, KaBar goes on and on about making your own "gunboat" (kettle for cooking made from a #10 can and a handle made from coat hanger wire) and other gear from scrounged materials, and making your own gear from stuff that costs you nothing or next to it AS OPPOSED TO bought stuff, because you WILL lose your bindle, your stuff, and if you need store - boughten stuff to get by, now you become desperate for money to buy more store-stuff, and in a small way you become predatory. Since you now need money to replace your REI etc stuff, now you're ramping up your panhandling, petty theft, may steal from other hobos, etc.

This closely parallels the "streamliner" or hobo who doesn't provide for himself so he's always begging off of, or stealing off of, other hobos. Streamliners are hated. The guy pulled out of a bog recently, found with a mouth full of wheat bran and a noose around his neck, was a streamliner, 10,000 B.C. edition.

I urge all preppers to read KeBar's thread on DigiHitch because it's a real wake-up. Real, "stand up" hobos are into making ALL their shit themselves if they possibly can, they have a really good attitude regarding money and store-boughten things.

Anonymous said...

the old p-38 or p-51 would be most useful, better than a church key.
jpf

Silver Serf said...

Funny you brought up can openers...I just bought a Swing-A-Way can opener to add to my stockpile last week.
Doomers Rock!

Anonymous said...

Hi Bison, have used key-hole can openers to practice making coffee can stoves...intermittently spaced holes around the top and bottom etc etc. Can never have too many of these.

Have been seeing how creative I can be in prepping frugally - went to a carpet laying store and asked if they had any clear plastic sheeting that the rolls of carpet come in - answer was 'yes'...so, every couple of weeks I go and collect 8-10 lengths (approximately 16 feet x 8 feet). Very thick and strong. Never know, can use it for gathering rain water, seal off rooms, lightweight tarp, also use one spread out in the back of my car when I go and get bags of horse manure and soil for my container garden....and to show my continued appreciation I am giving them 2 cans of canned cheese in return each time. A win-win.

Bought some spray paint cans in black/brown/green/tan - to see if it will stick to some of the p/sheets.

Same with assorted sized coffee cans (for free) from the recycling centre.

After cleaning same, filled some with dried dog food, first-aid items, small cans of tuna/chicken, vacuum sealed rice/red lentils, lighters/matches, candles/matches, vacuum sealed coffee/tea/powdered milk, toilet paper/baby wipes, sugar in yet another - all in manageable sized cans ready for caching in a much larger container.

You are so right regarding your regular reminders - it can spur us to action.

Regards, OT from DU.

Anonymous said...

Anon 1:38 AM

That is an awesome suggestion for collecting heavy plastic, thanks!!!