bug out cache

BUG OUT CACHE

Guest article posted earlier, the next fiction chapter.
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Yes, it seems that the one subject bound to generate more excitement than even guns, ammunition, guns and ammunition to be used against zombies or even semi-automatic guns and ammunition for zombie killing is to talk about extra money for preps. Partially this is because most of us never have enough money and a large part is that we are mostly guys and guys never get tired of new toys and every extra trip to buy non-food items is usually on par with December 25th, which, let’s be honest here for a second because we are all amongst friends, even if some of those friends occasionally take too much crack and act really stupid like belittling a family members death ( strangers, not friends, deaths are totally acceptable to disregard, poke fun at and make really distasteful jokes about ), has been viciously and rudely usurped by the mom and kids. I mean, the little snot running butt picking ingrates don’t even appreciate the toys past the excitement of opening the wrapping, throw the gifts around until the cheap toxic Chinese plastic breaks and then go back to whining about how they are so bored and they have nothing to do and then they go sit in front of the glass tit, way too close for that radiation to not somehow effect them and soften their grey matter into liquid ooze, watch Super Japanese Machine Transforming Giants ( soon to run out of spare parts due to JIT inventory issues over the Tsunami issue ) as they shovel Bit O Corn Syrup Flakes into their pie hole and are educated that they absolutely must have the newest piece of plastic being advertised.

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But somehow, Sammy Survivalist is not like his kid. Sure, he grew up just like him, as did his parents watching Bonanza or his grandparents listening to The Lone Ranger, but once he grew up he stopped pining for the newest toy and always took care of the toys he already had. Oops. I guess he didn’t. We poke fun at our kids for being one technological advance away from an actual cable jack into their cerebral cortex, but we were turned into consumer junkies just as they have been. We simply must have plastic crap, they are trained to lust after digital crap. The new generation is conditioned to want goods that actually have no substance. The corporations have no need to even manufacture plastic doo-dads any more, other than the once every three years upgraded hand held computer. Hell, they don’t even need to offer up a full size computer. Just as “diet foods” cost twice as much for half the calories and no real sugar, mobile devices offer up one fifth the equipment for the same price as a desktop computer. And we fight like pampered Christmas morning children for the newest digital game to play on them. Delivered digitally of course, so that a fifteen cent plastic disk doesn’t cut into the fifty dollar profit.

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So, I guess that explains why plastic semi-auto carbines are so popular. We grew up on plastic crap, fantasizing about killing slant eye bastards, and went into the military using plastic crap to kill towel heads. We got out and somehow forgot how much of a piece of crap that plastic toy gun was, as we slave away at our plastic computing box to earn enough to buy our plastic gun. And once we get it we want the next piece of plastic crap. So here it is, how to buy another plastic gun, along with some plastic food, buried in a plastic pipe, to construct your bug out cache. We’ve talked about the vulnerability of farmers to bandits ( prior to forming up a strong enough military yourselves to hunt down and eliminate them. The military taxes you at a much lower rate that what the bandits got, they are the new government and everyone but a few fools pining for a Randian Fantasy World are happy ). They best solution is of course to have a hidey hole up in the woods with a cache of seeds to come back down after the bandits have taken all the crops and replant ( it doesn’t hurt to have a supply of food stashed to have something to eat until the next crop comes in- even farmers need a food stockpile ). Even with a functional, strong government this is a good idea, because you never know when a coup will take place and you become a new enemy of the state and you are forced to flee. Remember, a bug out bag is great, but better is a bug out cache. If you are awoken by marauders, you barely have time to escape with your clothes and shoes, and it is best not to be weighed down with a heavy bag. Travel to your cache without your eighty pound bag of crap.

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Now, in the spirit of minimalism, I propose the following for a cache. A gun, a bit of water or a water filter, a few days of food. This is a bug out cache, not a storage cache. The only purpose is to keep up your energy while you go back and bushwack the fools that forced you out. If you really are paranoid about this, and deadly serious about making it work, I have two thoughts for you. Disposable shelter and minimal home storage. On the one hand, you want them to quickly pig out on the few days food you have in the home ( bury the bulk everywhere else nearby, but hide the evidence of retrieval so they don’t go digging- hell, hide the shovel also ) and leave. If they don’t go, you burn the house down and snipe at them as they leave the structure. That is your plastic rimfire. Not a great long term gun ( single shot 22 is far superior-no clips, no plastic other than the stock, supreme ammo conservation ), but wonderful to bury with a box of rounds and be used later to kill invaders. As you wait for your chance, eat on some canned Vienna sausage and Top Ramen packs. They taste no worse than MRE’s, provide the same calories ( assume about a grand worth in an MRE ) and are far cheaper.

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To bury your food, seal in plastic and place in the pipe. To bury the rifle, disassemble, cover the metal in Vaseline, seal in plastic and place in the pipe. Bury the pipe with the thought in mind you might not have a shovel to retrieve it. At most, a stick or rock. If you bury vertically, make sure the pipe isn’t so long that you can’t reach down into it to the bottom as it is in place. At first, I was thinking of those “store in the stock” rimfires. Rawles had just mentioned them and the compactness of the design was tempting. But not at $200. A regular rimfire you can shorten through disassembly can be had for just $100. The price of flour is going through the roof, as if that is a surprise with weird weather, so by the time you read this I’m sure the cheapest Top Ramen is 20 cents. But they are almost 400 calories each, and you can easily eat them uncooked. And I’d assume their shelf life exceeds yours. Happy hunting.

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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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