BACKWOODS COWPIE
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Before we start today, raining distain and disfavor down upon the deserving, a short word from our sponsor. I certainly hope you have been paying attention to the Amazon product ads placed above the start of the days article. I’m not just writing for your praise and adulation here. Primarily, for my own sanity, I’m writing for my own benefit. I’d say 90% of it is vomiting out the poison that the world’s asshats subject me to. And ten percent is just greedy old capitalistic profit motive. So, pay attention to the damn ads, or I’ll add you to my list of poisoners. When I place an ad, either the graphic ad or a link in the body of the article, I’m not always giving my Bison Coveted Stamp Of Approval. Sometimes, it is just to remind you of things. For instance, two consecutive ads were that imported Australian stove/thermos and the book on the masonry woodstove. I wouldn’t actually want you to buy either one. The thermos is very high priced, although for what it does it certainly is worth the money ( a fuel sipping stove, NOT using petroleum products ). However, I notice on the picture that the stopper is a cork. Color me paranoid, ignorant and picky, but wouldn’t that stopper fail after a time? I hate the $13 vacuum thermos not having an available plastic lid replacement, yet I’m supposed to be happy that a $75 thermos/stove doesn’t either? I could be wrong, perhaps with more time I’d research and see that the company sells replacements cheaply. If so, great. But until I know that, I wouldn’t recommend the unit.
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The masonry stove book is going for $35 ( update-disregard, showing up Monday morning as $18 ). Hence, I wouldn’t recommend it to any minion, unless he is that bastard that still owes me $20 for the pictures like he promised. I would advise looking around to see if it was sold cheaper elsewhere ( like the Trailer Homestead book- $25 on Amazon, but sold elsewhere-or at least it was- for about $12 ). But it is a very good book ( a rocket stove made from a 55 gallon drum, using one fifth the wood of a cast iron stove as you heat the surrounding masonry and that captures the heat ). The book also has a mini rocket stove shown that is used to heat tea with just a tad of wood. So here is a good alternative to spending $75 for a fuel sipping water heater. No, it isn’t portable. Nothing is perfect. But if you looked around for the cheaper book, you would have, for $20 or so, a water heater and a plan for a house heater. I added the pencil sharpener the day before these other two to remind you to buy those deals on back to school pencils ( name brands you have tried- the generics are total crap, a waste of money, the lead breaks as you sharpen ). For the love of Pete, don’t stockpile ink pens for post-Apocalypse use. They dry out. Pencils work much better for your writing needs.
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Okay. Charlie Richie, publisher of The Backwoodsman magazine, really stepped in a cowpie in his Sept./Oct. 2011 issue. At least in my opinion, and that is the only one that counts around here ( I’ll consider yours, but don’t expect me to grant it supreme status ). I love his magazine, don’t get me wrong. But I take exception to his editorializing on the current state of affairs. In effect, the media is a monster and has brainwashed you. Ignore the news about the economy. Americans are “the most resilient people on this earth, and we can do anything we want as long as we believe we can”. Charlie, you ignorant slut. Yes, you started this magazine from the ground up with little money and made it a success. I started out writing about what I loved ( or, more accurately, loved to hate ) and worked damn hard at it ( starting with zero talent ) and have a success ( I don’t measure this in money terms-I have wicked street cred ala Bruce Sterling ). We both accomplished essentially the same thing from nothing. Good on us both. When it is a labor of love, wondrous things can happen. But I don’t ignore reality, and I demand my readers don’t either ( a wonderful person [ Rawles or his article author ] gave me a link last week on the Survival Blog and my daily readers shot up in that one day almost twice normal. If any of you are still reading this, be advised. I will rub your face in reality ). Anything we want? Really? How?
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Two other rather conceited peoples from history are coming to my mind. They also thought their crap didn’t stink. They were the best people on earth, they had up to that point accomplished more than any other race/civilization. And, I’ll wager they thought they could do anything they set their mind to as their economy was collapsing. Do the Roman’s and British ring a bell? “I can do anything, I am the Lizard King”. Take your inspiration bullcrap and put it back into your Tony Robbinson late night infomercial hawking motivational DVD. Sure, you, personally, can accomplish great things. One thing you or your nation can’t do is repeal the laws of physics. You can’t do the impossible. You can no longer even maintain your infrastructure, yet you think you can garrison the middle east indefinitely, send a team of racially and gender correct mixed astronauts to Mars, magically turn from gigawatt petroleum to megawatt green energy and still run the economy in growth mode, save the economy by printing up currency at 40% inflation ( while bailing out Europe as a bonus ), make health care free to all, somehow reinflate the housing bubble on dreams and good god almighty who knows what else? Are you smoking crack? Are you living in a magic forest where water nymphs sprinkle pixie dust amidst the singing toadstools and grinning cats lead you to the Red Queen? Gott Damn fairy tale horse apples. Little children love make believe. And apparently so do grown American adults.
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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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Anyone can submit a guest article. No minimum word length, no writing skill necessary ( just get the idea across ). You retain copyright ( this must be your original writing ) and I’ll just use the once. I’ve yet to turn down an article, just don’t use the N Bomb or libel another that can sue me. Send by e-mail ( please, label as “guest article” so I can find it easily later ). Payment will be your removal from my enemies list.
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By the by, all my writing is copyrighted. For the obtuse out there.
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3 comments:
I too love Backwoodsman but thought this issue was, for lack of a better term, flat. It also made me resolve to subscribe as I made four trips to the store to get my copy before they finally showed up. You are right in that Charlie is one of those god damn optimists-very annoying. Nevertheless, I will continue to look forward to it every time it comes out, warts and all.
Not stocking pens reminds me of the story of NASA’s development of the space pen. Millions of dollars to come up with a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down and on a host of surfaces. The Russians decided to use pencils. Kind of a succinct comment on us; especially since WWII. Since then we have solved problems by throwing money at them instead of being resourceful.
Ahh pens'n'pencils! A topic dear to my heart! Now first, if you're gonna stockpile, stockpile decent mechanical pencils and LOTSA leads, they are the pinnacle of pencil development.
I was pushed to be an artist as a kid, and growing up in the 60s/70s, I lived in a golden era of writing tools. My dad was an aficionado of writing tools, and so I had the best writing-candy around. Flairs! Draughting pencils! Every kind of artists' pencil and pastel there was! Every kind of marker! Colored pens! Rapidographs! You name it! Conclusion after DECADES of fiddling around: Pencils are great. Rapidographs suck donkey bawls. Ink pens in general do, except for ballpoints, you can do great art with ballpoints, and actual quill-type pens.
Yes, I got into quill pens. Seeing those pictures of guys in books writing with a dang FEATHER intrigued me as a kid. So I went around making 'em. Most of mine weren't that great, but the general idea is, take a feather of the right size so surface tension will allow the quill to hold a reservoir of ink, cut a nib in the end with a small, sharp, blade, and you got yourself a ink pen! This is why guys who worked with their hands carried clasp knives or Barlows and guys who wrote carried pen knives. A small pocket knife with dainty, very sharp, blades. As for ink, there are all kinds of recipes. There's ink growing right out back here, in the form of blackberries. It fades over time, not for long-term works. The recipe for "india ink" would be good to have.
Feather pens are why people were taught beautiful writing, because the feather likes lettering in proper strokes in the proper directions and splatters ink all over your letter if you do it wrong. So you learn to do it beautifully or else. And you do it right-handed or else, too. You can't have your hand traveling over your fresh words, it'll look like the censor's been at it.
The Backwoodsman magazine - a great mag. I bought a Life time 'script to it.
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