sausagefest

SAUSAGE FEST

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Do you ever go to Octoberfest? Beer and other German delicacies with, if you are lucky, buxomly wenches serving said items, loud and boisterous cheery music and what not. The Germans, despite being a bit anal about some things, have their priorities right when it comes to enjoying themselves. Sausagefest is no where near as fun, nor is it at all related to brat and beer. Sausages, being another gentle euphemism for the male reproductive member, usually employed in mixed company so as to scandalize the fairer sex but not embarrass them to such a degree that they are forced to overreact, and then the “fest” component implying a celebration thereof of said appendage, added together to get a derogatory term. When, say for instance, a group of dorks are hanging around discussing the various aspects of a comic book hero, a real macho manly man would declare their assemblage as “a sausagefest”. Translated, those gays want to poke each other up the ass. Real men don’t like gays, nor do they pretend to be at all tolerant. Now, I’m not declaring myself all studly and macho, but I do share a revulsion for the sexual behavior of homosexuals and so do on occasion make fun of them and make non-politically correct remarks. But, I also know that being gay is kind of like being Jewish. It is kind of hard to tell at a glance, so it is also hard to be too intolerant. In short, I make fun but it is all in good fun. I mean, what do they expect? They take it up the ass! You’ve got to expect a certain amount of disbelief from others when your turn-ons include hairy butt cheeks and fecal smeared orifices. Here is a good joke. After hearing it, I spent, literally, days being alternately repulsed and peeing myself laughing. What do you get after gay sex? Sploop ( SPerm, bLood and poOP ).

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Nation Pravda Radio was recently on a sausagefest. Since the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in the military was repealed, NPR has been on an orgasmic bout of reporting. They keep their voice all level and professional, but I can just imagine how the talk is around the water cooler. “Oh, Herman, my dreamy Queen, Oh My God!!! Those pesky Generals are finally letting our boys serve in the military. I’m just sooooo proud, I could burst! We can now be fully represented, and are now able to be equally maimed and killed!” You dumb ass!!! Don’t you guys realize you were getting rewarded for taking it up the backdoor? Serve in the military, good pay, good education ( okay, not really, but I threw that in there to talk this up more ), and when a war comes along that might be too dangerous, you just unzip, flop out your dingus at the Sarge, and get discharged! Hell, I tried a lot of different things to get an Early Out my second tour, but I never considered acting gay. Usually, for someone to pass that profound behavioral boundary, they are legitimate 99% of the time. But, my displeasure isn’t with the carpet lickers, pillow biters, butt pirates or plastic penile pumpers looking a gift horse in the mouth. No, what upsets me is that this is all a contrived news story. Look, the military was usually in the forefront ( after a certain period of time ) of being politically correct. You know, treat everyone fairly even if they were inferior. Don’t discriminate. Can’t we all just get along, that kind of horsecrap. Yet, they always discriminated against gays. The official explanation was that if the Commies found out you were gay, they could blackmail you and you would give them State Secrets. Total, BS, but there it was. Yet, it took them twenty years after the fall of the Soviet Union to do away with this policy? Something smells on this one, and it ain’t sploop.

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Okay, my earlier plea for proclamations of love and validation from my minions. Honestly, I really thought I was churning out worthless crap. You should know me by now, I don’t usually need cheerleading to continue swimming against the tide. I guess I was just going through a more negative mental state than usual and I was unable to see my usual brilliance in my recent writing. So, thanks for being patient and playing along. I really don’t think my fiction would have been tolerable. A few things I did notice, like some of you STILL not paying attention. Such as, the one minion stating that I wrote just on weekdays. Hello? I’ve included weekend articles for the last eight months, ever since I got my generator ( a lot of winter cloudy days ). Another saying I didn’t ever include a sausagefest on plastic guns. Hello? I just got done saying, more than once, the AR-15, one of the worst pieces of crap of all time in assault carbines, makes a decent mid range sniper rifle. It has no recoil, so you have excellent follow up shots, plus you never flinch. It is decently priced. You can get replacements in the field all day long. It does the one thing that has recently become more and more important in survival guns, its accuracy means you need far less ammo stockpiled. Now, if you turn it into an assault weapon, it turns to one of the worst choices available. How much more of an endorsement do you want? I refuse to condone Spray And Pray tactics, but I do give the devil his due and recommend it as a bushwacker tool. Personally, I’d buy two single shot break-open rifles in 223 before I bought one AR, but if you already have one it is a great survival gun AS LONG AS YOU turn it into a sniper weapon ( buy several $50 mil-dot scopes rather than one very expensive scope- they are easily damaged and must be replaced ).

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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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