zombie home survivalist

ZOMBIE HOME SURVIVALIST


Someone made a statement that if you were prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse, Hurricane Irene wasn’t a big deal. This is the same philosophy as if you are prepped for nuke war, everything else is manageable. To a large extent it is true, but as with all real life verses perfect plans, the small details are what screws you up. Now, before I get into this, I understand the frustration that goes with never ending contingency preps. You have to continually redo everything, rethink everything, as more and more plausible scenarios occur to you. You never really stop prepping because, mainly, we are daily reminded how fragile everything we once relied on is becoming. Yes, a basic stash will allow you to muddle through. It will keep you alive. But if you leave it at that, something is going to still trip you up. Store it and forget it would be a wonderful strategy, and I would advise that if you don’t want to go insane. But if you want to further bullet proof your life, you can never rest.

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Let’s say that you are living on five acres on a mountain in rural New Hampshire. You are growing your own food, raising chickens, cut your own wood, etc. You even have a fuel efficient car to take you through most of the coming fuel inflation. You can’t ask for much more of a nice setup. Along comes Hurricane Irene. Thank all the gods, the bankers vacation homes are spared a storm surge! Proving that karma is a sick joke, but I won’t veer off into that right now. Even though you are far inland, the nature of the storm was that all the low lying areas were hit with 500 year type floods. All the bridges and roads in the low land surrounding you are washed away. Inside that isolated circle, you reside. You lose Internet connection and no one can get through to fix it. You can eat just fine, you have the ability to survive in high style. But you have now become an isolated, albeit well stocked, Space Station and the Russian resupply capsule just blew up on the launch pad. How do you continue to earn a living? The one that pays your not insubstantial property taxes. You are all set for post-zombie attack living, but not for Fully Functioning Government Amidst Infrastructure Collapse. They want their property taxes, because now that the county is a Third World disaster zone, who else is going to pay the Sheriff’s and his deputies wages ( they can easily come on over in a boat to serve the papers and collect )? They don’t care if your foreclosed property only brings in ten cents on the dollar, it will keep them alive a bit longer. Who would buy the property, even with no access and a new requirement to pre-pay taxes? Don’t look too surprised if a rich guy from the city gets your property for back taxes, say ten grand, and pays twenty gees to build a “temporary” bridge to it, with another ten grand to the county. Your two hundred thousand dollar retreat just went for $40k. Well worth it to a Wall Street stockbroker fleeing the coming riots.

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Don’t underestimate the greed and desperation of your local government. They are just like any other organism that will kill to live. Next up, on to a book review. “The Home Survivalists Handbook”. Written by the blogger BigBear. Not at all recommended for the middlin to advanced survivalist. But, priceless for the sheeple newbie. This is the best introductory book on prepping I’ve ever seen. Most books, mine included, show you why you must prep. They scare the crap out of you. Then tell you how to survive the coming disaster. Granted, mine is the best at that, but the majority of soft gooey asshat sheeple marshmallows out there need to be coddled and spoon fed the pabulum that doesn’t upset their delicate tum-tums. In other words, stark reality scares the crap out of them and at the slightest hint of that they will scramble backwards, tripping over their sagging flesh to their chrome wheeled SUV’s, scrapping their knee ( the humanity! ) in their hast to peel out and go screaming down to a Starbucks and get a soothing 800 calories Frappichino. After their three chins quit quivering they will never approach the subject again. Speak of it at your peril, for they will reelect Obammy if they have to, just to keep the illusion of perpetual prosperity alive ( of course, to be fair, there is a bit of wishful fantasy going on down at our camp, our pathetic lives needing a good Apocalypse to met out vastly deserved judgment and comeuppance ).

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What this book does is gently, oh so gently, lovingly caress those quivering pukes. It’s okay, shhh. Don’t worry. Nothing worse than a few hurricanes or a mild earthquake. Shhh! Now, now. You can even stay at home. No need to Bug Out. It’s okay, pumpkin. Don’t worry your pretty little head over it. Just spend a lot of money and you’ve be fine for awhile, until FEMA comes in to rescue you. Okay? All better? God, I almost puked. But seriously, this book is going to be what “turns” a lot of folks, if they are capable of being saved. Not vivid zombie movies. Not texts on wilderness concrete bunkers and ten grand arsenals. There is never a moment of fear in this book, just careful prodding to take simple, easy, non-threatening steps for a months supplies to survive out of your home. It is short, and expensive, and elementary, but it is also what is needed for the most vulnerable. I wouldn’t put much stock in it actually saving people, but it will really go a long ways to ease their panic. So much so they stay in place to be ripe for the stewpot. For every copy of this $15 book you send out, one more family stays away from your place. I’d send out as many copies as you can afford.

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My e-mail is jimd303@netzero.com
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