militia mutants

MILITIA MUTANTS

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Once upon a time, a long long time ago when women swooned at the exploits of manly men, cleft chins thrust majestically forward, sheep were nervous and it was fashionable to describe the federal law enforcement personnel as jack booted thugs, militias ruled the land. Northbound in alpine swamps a mighty organization developed which heralded this new trend and a new wave of patriotism washed the land in a red, white and blue hue ( with a smidge of Chinese communist red as the weapon of choice became imported SKS carbines ). In desperation that this was the wrong kind of publicity to keep all eyes from his extramarital activities, the Boy Clinton unleashed a fiery and evil bull dyke upon the land. Babies were used as target practice ( ten extra points if you head shot mom without killing the held infant! ), babies were burned with flammable tear gas and babies were buried in day care center rubble as Oswald looked from on high with what surely must have been approval. Alas, public sympathies refused to rest upon our mighty hero out to merely save the village children ( even if we had to destroy the village to save it ). But one day, while fondling his favorite red dress, Boy Clinton had a wonderful idea! Infiltration was the ticket! And thus it came to pass that as militia membership swelled mightily, militia membership was almost exclusively comprised of undercover federal agents. Rather than being killed from boredom or fear, the militia movement died a slow death as all its members retired with full pensions.

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Now, judging from the amount of fiction out there, surpassed only by zombie apocalypse books, every swinging dingus out there wants to be militia member of manly chin and swooning female admirers. You really can’t blame them since the regular occupation of said potential members is that of a paper shuffling office worker. Playing soldier in the woods is of course preferable. Proving two things. One, these folks never were in the military ( I don’t know if the Air Force counts ). Playing soldier in the woods for a month is no fun. Oh, we enjoyed it compared to putting up with idiot officers on urban areas of base, but that sets the bar rather low, doesn’t it? It was likeable enough, but it wasn’t recreational fun. It gets old past the odd weekend. Two, history isn’t the strong suit of these militia mutants. Because playing revolutionary is not fun, or glorious, but a great way to get your family killed. Let us travel to yesteryear and see how the federal forces acted in the War Of Northern Aggression ( you could call it the Industrialists War Using Immigrant Cannon Fodder To Suppress States Rights, but you can’t call it a civil war. Voluntarily entered contracts by definition can’t become a forced contract unless rights were waived, which they weren’t ) acted towards insurgents. Anyone rebelling against federal dictate was shot, without trial. On the spot shot, as dictated by written degree from on high. Any one aiding or abetting these rebels, civilian or not, was just as guilty. The best thing that could happen is you forfeit your property. Worst, they shot you. Does this sound familiar? Vietnam ring a bell? The current middle east conflict, with all the claims of terrorist support? We put on an innocent face and teach our young that the evil Nazi bastards killed twenty civilians when one of their soldiers was shot, or that even though Germany was supposedly busy fighting on three fronts it had nothing better to do than round up all the countries undesirables and kill them in concentration camps. Not examined was the Unions conduct towards civilians in zones seeing insurgents fighting the occupation ( a lot in Tennessee for example ). Nor is it discussed how the British invented the concentration camp during the Boer War and killed off many an innocent civilian from disease and malnutrition. Where do you think the Germans got these great ideas from?

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If you dare question the centralized government you are liable to see a previously unheard of Federal Alphabet Soup agency suddenly discover improprieties in your small business or during a routine traffic stop a police dog suddenly alerts to a smell of illegal substances, which, sure, you tried about thirty years ago ( you didn’t inhale! ), but haven’t touched since. In short, you will be gently discouraged. If you dare fight against our rulers, you will be sniped or ambushed or 3 am raided. Your family, if lucky, will be homeless and penniless and all members including the dog will be turning tricks to survive. If unlucky, they are beat to an inch of their lives or outright killed for “resisting arrest”. Because, you know, that fleeing five year old really looked like he had a gun and the officer was in fear for his life. You want to be a macho hero rebelling against tyranny? Fine, kiss the wife goodbye and hug the kids one last time, because they will become targets. If the wife wants to take that chance, can hide in reasonable safety, fine. Otherwise, don’t buy into the fantasy that the federal government will abide by civilized behavior against non-combatants. Anyone dubbed “terrorist” automatically, regardless of age or physical condition, will be hunted and assassinated and there will be no civil liberties, due process or Geneva Convention.

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Sorry a wee bit short today. The Xerox guy was installing new printer software and I got a late start writing. Also, being grocery day ( I had to skip last week due to cold rains, and we were running out of essentials such as greasy salty snacks ) I couldn’t take this home to finish. Still, the best glob of drivel cobbled together on anyone’s lunch hour.

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