spend wise grasshopper

SPEND WISE GRASSHOPPER


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Yes, yes, sure, sure, it’s all been covered before. No All Great And Overwhelming Wisdom suggested itself today, so I’m just rehashing one of my old favorites. I liked the article at Creekmore’s which mentions the Edison Battery ( a literal lifetime battery ), but I have no knowledge of it so I can’t pretend to stretch that subject out. And I could have blathered on some more about the alleged death of Gadhafi, but I saw little point in it. I could have talked about Occupy Wall Street, but that message, the bankers are asshats who rule you as a serf, I’ve recently beat that to death as the dead horse it is. So, by default, I’ll just make some noise about the only way you can survive the economic meltdown. As usual, you won’t like my advice. You never do, since it fails to address your comfort zone or sense of entitlement. It used to be that folks understood they were lucky. If they were born white middle class, they understood things could be a lot worse. They could be an oppressed minority. Now everyone is born with a feeling that they are the brightest shooting star Baby Jesus himself has ever witnessed and they are entitled to all the finest things life has to offer and that the world should debase itself and trip over itself to provide them with only the best. Even the minorities, rather than feeling relief that they aren’t inside burning churches or being eaten for lunch by police dogs, feel they are more than special. As soon as I bring up a bit of common sense, my long suffering minions roll their eyes ( “you’re preaching to the choir, bitch!” ) and my potential readers steered here from elsewhere run away as fast as their stubby little sticks of fat can carry them. The only way to combat the continuing rise in unemployment and fall in purchasing power is to get rid of your car and your rent or mortgage. After that, you will either have so much money falling out of your ass, or so much free time from being able to work less ( this assumes a still functioning economy ), you won’t know what to do with yourself.

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I understand that most of you worship the automobile as a false idol. Rather than being embarrassed about that, shuffling your feet and looking sheepish, apologizing to Jesus and begging forgiveness so you don’t spend all of eternity burning in the fiery bowels of Hell, you get all defensive and make excuses. Oh, I live too far from home ( buy a more expensive lot closer to town, it is cheaper than keeping that car, usually ). Oh, my wife refuses to go without a car ( have you looked very closely at that bitches thighs? She needs to get on a bike and she will thank you for it later, after she leaves you for the UPS guy ). Be honest, if you could, you would stroke that bumper as you attempted forced entry into your cars tailpipe, wouldn’t you? You are simply just gay over your car. But a car is a simple addiction like any other. Sure, harder to break than cigarettes or TV, but still an addiction. I’ve never owned, or owned but rarely drove a car most of my adult life. Even living in the country and hauling water I can do without one. I never would ever have kept the last vehicle this long if I hadn’t wanted to appease the wife ( the great thing about her leaving me and then wanting to move back is I can renegotiate terms. This last time I got rid of the truck while she was gone, and then she agreed that there wouldn’t be anymore weekly trips into town AND guaranteed frequency of sex. Sure, I’m an asshat, but once life gets short you should stop living under self imposed constraints ). I didn’t NEED to keep the truck, but I chose to. Now that I’ve chosen to do away with it altogether I’m ahead marginally financially but light years ahead cutting my stress. A car is only a money pit. If you think it provides freedom you are delusional.

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After you’ve saved twenty percent of your income by kicking the car habit, the next step is telling the bankers to go hump themselves bloody. If you own a house, you never are free of the house expense. Even if the second mortgage is paid off, maintenance is ongoing. Sure, maintenance on a travel trailer or salvaged wood hovel is ongoing, but it is the difference between bicycle or car mechanics. Hundreds if not thousands of percent difference. Just what it costs you to replace your roof, for example, would pay for my lot of land AND my travel trailer ( which is in great shape and a larger size ). If you don’t buy a home, but instead buy land and build your home on a cash carry basis, you don’t owe the bankers half your income for half your life. And if you pay rent, you are doing worse. It never ends until you die ( you are paying the landlords mortgage indirectly, so it is still a mortgage ). By thinking outside the box for home and transportation, you can live on 30% of what you spend now. That is how easy this is. You don’t have to deprive yourself any other way ( I can spend 15-20% of my income on books, easy, something I love, because I don’t fall for the above “necessities” myth ). I understand winter bike riding and junk land living isn’t for everyone. It doesn’t have to be. You can live unconventionally by employing other devices. But the concept is sound. Say no to debt and employing the most expensive solutions. And then enjoy life. It comes around once, don’t piss it away for the bankers.

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